“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can
listen twice as much as we speak.”

Question: What’s more important…
Listening or talking?

I know you’re probably going to give me the “right” answer (listening),
but let me ask you a more powerful question:
Which do you do more and how do you measure that?

What do most people do?  Most people talk….
and actually listen quite poorly.

Read the quote above…then here’s something else to think about:
You’ve got two ears and you’ve got two eyes.  And you’ve got one mouth.

The eyes and the ears are intake mechanisms.
They take in information.

The mouth is an output mechanism.

There’s a 4:1 ratio there.

Do you think there is a reason for that?

We weren’t born with four mouths and one ear and one eye…
we’d have a serious problem if that were the case!

We have two eyes, two ears, one mouth.

Think about it.

Doesn’t that in and of itself suggest that we are wired and
designed to listen more than talk?

Simple rule: Whoever listens most, wins.

Not “winning” like in a game, but winning by being a
champion communicator.

But why?

Why be a champion communicator?

Here’s one HUGE reason: It’ll make every one of your relationships better,
especially your primary relationship with your life partner.

Another HUGE reason: You’ll be much
more successful in your work,
regardless of what you do.

And another HUGE reason: You’ll
eliminate HUGE amounts of stress because….

Listening takes much less energy and actually puts you in
more control of the conversation.

Being an effective listener puts you in the driver’s seat.

You see, listening is not just about being quiet.

Oftentimes what I hear from people when I ask them about listening more
(especially couples who come to see me) is, “Okay, I’ll just shut up and sit here.”

That’s not exactly what I mean.

No, in fact, listening, quite frankly,
is much more active and challenging role than speaking.

Because when you’re listening, you’ve got to clear your mind so
you can be present for the other person.

What happens, and what most people do, is start thinking about their response.

They’re thinking about their rebuttal.

They’re thinking about their defense and their “answer.”

“How am I going to come back at this?”

As soon as the other person gets done talking, boom,
they come right back with their own “stuff.”

That’s not listening.  That’s called reaction, not listening.

And shutting down and not doing anything is not listening either.

Being able to understand, accept, clarify, validate and empathize
are all the primary ingredients to listening.

Let me repeat that: Understand, accept, clarify, validate and empathize.

Develop those five skills effectively and you’ll have the world in your hands.

To be an effective listener, I want you to imagine there is a bridge between
you and the other person.  You have to leave the “land of you”, cross the bridge,
and enter the “land of the other person”, leaving behind your agenda, your editorials,
your opinions, even – temporarily – your values.

I’m not saying to disregard all this, but for the sake of that conversation,
leave that all behind.

90% or more of the couples who come in to see me have communication
breakdowns because they don’t listen, understand, and/or accept their
partner’s views or experiences.

And by the way, acceptance does not mean agreement.
 
Two very different things.  Acceptance means, “I accept you for where you are.”

To offer validation, I’m saying, “I get your feelings.”

Furthermore, “I may not agree with your feelings and I may not have the same
feelings and I may do things totally different, but I get if I was in your shoes,
living the life that you’ve lived, having the thinking process that you have,
I would be having the same reaction.”

Read the preceding paragraph again…
that’s the summary of what you want to aim for.

That’s what you call the ability to validate and empathize.
Those are two very, very, very important valuable ingredients in
being an effective communicator.

Do you now see the value of listening?

And that’s JUST the tip of the iceberg!

Listening is part of overall effective communication strategies, and is
just one of the four Relationship Pillars that we’ll be addressing next Saturday (9/26).

The Marry YourSelf First! Fun-Shop:
Less Stress, More Success And The Best Relationships!
http://kendonaldson.com/0926/

Hope to see you then and there!
http://kendonaldson.com/0926/

Peace and Prosperity…

Ken

P.S. There is a whole chapter of
communication strategies in Marry YourSelf First!
Go to http://marryufirst.com/ and
improve your relationship intelligence today!
 

Read more from Ken Donaldson here…

Bruce Frederick Joseph Springsteen was born September 23, 1949…
Which means he’ll be 60 next week…can you believe it?!!

Yep, Bruce Springsteen, a.k.a. “The Boss”, is turning 60.

60 years YOUNG that would be.

So, how does he keep his youthful energy?

I hear he’s a bit of an exercise fanatic…that certainly helps.

I have also heard that he eats well…that helps too.

Oh yeah, he has regular visits with his therapist…he mentioned this in a
TV interview a few years ago… he said it was one of the most favorite times of the week for him.

(Thanks, Bruce, we can use all the positive PR we can get!)

That must also help somewhat.

What else keeps Bruce young?

How about this: Living in his Passion and Purpose.

I’ve had the pleasure of seeing him live 5 times and had the same experience every time:
I felt like he was playing the whole concert just for me.

No, that doesn’t mean I’m psychotic…it DOES mean, however, that he gives it all away
every time he steps out on the stage…and into the studio…and every time he picks up his guitar…
or picks up a piece of paper to let his muse loose to create more powerfully poetic lyrics.

You know where I’m going, don’t you?!!

Yes, I’m about to ask you a very challenging question.

Some of you will step up and some of you will step away.

Some of you will stop reading and some of you will read more intently.

NOW!….

Which are you?

Bruce is truly a MVP living a MVP life….

A Most Valuable Person with a Mission, a Vision and Purpose.

MVP times 2!

Yes, what about you – figured out your MVP yet?

(That was THE question!!)

Without a Mission, a Vision or Purpose, life is most often controlled by external events,
other people and circumstances.

People who live this way feel like victims or martyrs… they have difficulty even
understanding the concept of Passion and Purpose.

Can’t give it all away if you haven’t figured out what to give away!

Yes, Bruce lives, writes, creates and plays with unlimited Passion and Purpose.

He gives it all away every day…and every night.

Maybe you’re not a Bruce fan like I am, but there is someone that you look up to
who shows up with this level of energy, enthusiasm and excitement.

Whoever it is, I can assure you that they too live the MVP life.

And if you’re not there yet, I’ve got Good News for you:
Life is patient and abundant.

Patient because you can start whenever you like… there always enough time.

Here’s a real life example for you:

Remember Colonel Sanders of Kentucky Fried Chicken fame?
Well, in 1956, at the age of 66, he was broke. He was living off of Social Security at that time.
With only Passion and Enthusiasm for his chicken recipe, he had over 400 chicken “franchises” by 1960.

He sold out and retired in 1964. And then gave much of his profit away to charities and adopted 78 foreign orphans.

How cool is that?!!

Now there’s someone with a MVP life…yes??!!

Life was patient AND incredibly abundant for The Colonel.

Okay, now it’s your turn…if you’re still not quite living the MVP life, then it’s time to pick up
your copy of Marry YourSelf First! (AND the Companion Workbook!) and get started now.

That’s why I created the Marry YourSelf First! System.

Don’t have your own copy yet?

Go to http://marryufirst.com/
I’ve outlined all the reasons for you to Marry YourSelf First!

AND because MY MVP is to help you discover your MVP!

How cool is that?!!

So…Life is waiting for you!

Want a kick-start on the fast-track?

Join me live next Saturday (9/26) for the Marry YourSelf First!  Fun-Shop.
http://kendonaldson.com/0926/

Get your tickets in advance or else you’ll be left standing:
http://kendonaldson.com/0926/

Have a great weekend!

A great MVP weekend!

Discover Rapid Resolution Therapy

Ken Donaldson answers your questions here…

Marry YourSelf First: How Do I Know If It’s Really Love? from Ken Donaldson on Vimeo.

A Marry YourSelf First! Question: How Do I Know If It’s Really Love? Coach Ken Donaldson answers the question of “How to know if it’s really love?” using the Marry YourSelf First principles of healthy relationships and positive living.

Read more from Ken Donaldson here…

I had the chance yesterday (Saturday) to go hear a great speaker and a good friend, Ed Tate
( http://www.edtate.com/), deliver a short, but very powerful message.

He introduced me to FUD.

FUD??!!

Yep…FUD!
 
Ed suggested that we all be aware of our own FUD, and as much, or even more, beware of other’s FUD.

Because FUD tends to be contagious…highly contagious, in fact, today.

It is because, as Ed says, “we’ve already be exposed to a terrible virus.”

It’s a “mind virus.”

Yes…you’ve been exposed to it as well and you’re at high risk for FUD.

Okay…you really do want to know, don’t you?

What the heck is FUD??!!

Here it is:
Fear
Uncertainty
Doubt

Ed, who is a coach and trainer to CEOs and other executives here in the U.S. and around the world, suggests that leaders “make the right decisions at the right time.”

I have to tell you, this guy Ed is brilliant!

By the way, who do YOU go to get fed
new information and ideas?

One of THE most important elements of keeping your sword sharp in life is being exposed to new information and ideas.

I was hoping that’s why you might be hanging around me, but I don’t want to take anything for granted, nor do I want to sound conceited!

Anyways, back to you and FUD…

Fear
Uncertainty
Doubt

Mr. Ed Tate is, in fact, 100% right on.

I see it every day…many, many times, in fact… fortunately for me, these are also the exact same dynamics that I help people stomp out of their lives.

And let me tell you, I’ve been very, very busy lately… The combination of the FUD factor and this mind virus together are bordering on pandemonium!

But, as always, there is good news…always…that’s the first step you know…

Michael Jordon said it best:
“If you’re trying to achieve, there will be roadblocks.
I’ve had them; everybody has had them. But obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.”

I know a number of you are already planning to attend the Marry YourSelf First! Fun-Shop on 9/26 (get your tickets now or else you’ll be without a seat!)

http://kendonaldson.com/0926/

and  I’ll be really getting into how you can change what’s been going on in your mind (FUD) to what I like to call The Permanent Positive Outlook System (PPOS)!

So…I’m going to give you a sneak preview… Let’s start with a simple question:
What are you thinking about most of the time?

If you had a monitor in your brain, complete with a tiny microphone, what would you hear when I played back the recording for you?

Would you be happy with your thoughts AND the way you speak to yourself inside your head?

And would you be happy with what you were saying to you about you?

After all, you are your own #1 fan…and you’re either cheering yourself on or booing yourself off the court.

Which is it?

That’s the beginning of the FUD factor…if you tear yourself down or speak to   
yourself in anything but an uplifting way, you’re planting FUD seeds.

So here’s what to do…

But let me first warn you of something:
This is often where the dreaded
“I already know that” syndrome kicks in.

And the “I already know that” syndrome is what fertilizes the ground for the FUD seeds and the mind virus.

So there…you’ve been warned!

Here’s what you do: Change the way you think.

That’s it…period.

Okay…I’ll give a little more…

Change the way you think…think about what you DO want (not on what you DON’T want, as most people do).

Get perfectly clear about what you DO want and repeat it over and over in your mind.

And one more piece: When you do this,
visualize it and feel it as if you already have it in your possession.

Oh yeah, one more piece:
Get really excited, enthusiastic and
passionate about it.

Sounds simple, right?

Or maybe not. Maybe it sounds “unrealistic.”

Yeah…that’s FUD creeping in!

Okay, you get started on that now, and I’ll give you the entire formula on September 26th –

http://kendonaldson.com/0926/

- Again, reserve your space now.

Also, if you want some cutting edge information on being a more effective speaker, go to Ed Tate’s product page:

http://www.edtate.com/products.html

Thanks, Ed…you da man!

Happy Sunday!

Read more from Ken Donaldson here…