“Underneath every bush you’ll find a mud rabbit ready to bolt.” ~ Old Proverb

Rabbits are fast…really fast.

And should you decide you want to chase a rabbit you can be assured that in the end, you’ll be extremely frustrated, very irritated and exceptionally tired.

So who would chase a rabbit?

You might!

Rabbits represent the type of conversations that have no end…they just go on and on and on…like that bunny on the TV commercial…remember him?

Yes, these conversations are typically steeped with long-winded stories full of classic self-pity: The “poor-me-ain’t-it-awful-why-does-this-always-happen-to-me” syndrome. 

And if you engage in these conversations, you’re very likely to get your life force drained from you.

In other words, you’ll find yourself feeling the previously mentioned triad of frustration, irritation and fatigue.

But maybe you felt compassionate for them.

Maybe you thought you could help them.

Maybe you thought they would really accept your solutions (and chances are you have some very good ones!!)

NOT!

Not rabbits.

Rabbits play a game: They like to feel sorry for themselves and they wear it like a banner…poor me…ain’t it awful…why does this always happen to me?

What’s the payoff you ask?

Attention….because they get to stay in “the problem” and refuse any solutions, they will always have a hook to pull people in.

Sad, that this is their tactic to get attention.

In the end, which usually comes quite quickly, they burn people out and run people off.

All of which adds to their story.

But what can you do if you are confronted by a rabbit?

First, there are three simple principles to remember:

1.) Don’t chase a rabbit. Resist at all costs. Yes, you’re likely to be tempted out of guilt, compassion or obligation, but don’t do it.

2.) If you find yourself chasing a rabbit, remind yourself of the first principle.

3.) If you continually find yourself chasing rabbits, be aware that you are beginning to create the script to become a rabbit yourself.

So basically this means that you avoid these people and these conversations if possible.

However, there may be times when these sly rabbits sneak up on you and snag you into their trap.

In those cases, there are some simple and highly effective tactics you can implement to avoid chasing rabbits very far:

1.)   The “What I hear you saying is…” tactic. This keeps you disengaged and distant. It keeps you listening instead of trying to come up with solutions (Remember, rabbits don’t want solutions).

2.) The “Tell me more…” tactic. You’re likely to resist this tactic because you may NOT want them to tell you more. However, this will keep you from getting pulled further into the story.

3.) The “That makes sense to me because…” tactic. You may also find yourself resisting this tactic because it may feel like you’re agreeing. You’re not. You’re simply letting the other person know that what they’re saying makes sense. This is still a neutral response, which is exactly where you want to stay.

4.) The “If I was in your shoes, I’d probably feel the same way…” tactic. This is called empathy. This reinforces that you understand. However, is still keeps you detached from any serious emotional entwinement with the rabbit.

5.) The “I need to go use the restroom…” tactic. Yes, there are times when you’ll need to physically remove yourself from getting sucked down the rabbit hole. Using the restroom, having to make a phone call or having another appointment, are all useful interventions.

Also, beware of the rabbit’s eyes: They seem to never blink and if you look too long or too deep, you may find yourself falling into the hypnotic trance and the rabbit will then draw you deep, deep into the rabbit hole and you could very likely lose all sense of reality.

Yes, these are some of the finer points of using effective boundaries in challenging and sometimes difficult situations.

If you have difficulty implementing these tactics, then you might just want to talk with a therapist or a coach to find out what might be blocking you.

Chances are, it’s something out of your consciousness and probably something from your subconscious that’s getting activated.

I know a guy who can help you…and I know a great book that’s helpful as well!

Giving Thanks

So I’m givin’ thanks, oh yes I am
And I’m writing it now with my paper and pen

Gotta be thankful for the way I’m livin’
Gotta be grateful for this Thansgiving

For many great people who just support me
For the place I live and just bein’ free

For the air I breathe and the land I walk
For just being able to sing, shout and talk

And gotta be thankful for my creative spirit
As well as morning dove, oh I love to hear it

Gotta be grateful for the work I do
For my clients and my colleagues…I love them too

And how ‘bout the sunrise and the great sunsets
This life is great, but it gets better yet

Grateful to be able to go to new places
And to meet new people and see new faces

And surely I’m grateful for all my possessions
And having good friends who’ll hear my confessions

And I’m even thankful for the losses and the grief
‘Cause when I let go, I always get relief

(And I’m even grateful for all my past romantic love
‘Cause today I do know, no longer must I shove)

But most of all what I’m thankful for
Is this gracious  life that just gives more and more

I shout to the heavens and today I sing, “Thanks!!”
I’m investing now in gratitude, you can take that to the bank

Marry YourSelf First!

More from Ken Donaldson….

Whether you’re single, in a relationship or perhaps coming out of a relationship, it’s always good to know the primary relationship building blocks…right?!!

Over the years, I’ve had the opportunity to work with and/or interview thousands of people and ask them about their relationships.

I’ve noticed some trends in the happier, healthier and longer lasting relationships: The individuals in those relationships have some very clear traits and behaviors that separated them from the rest.

Want to know what they are?

Here you go:

The 12 Steps to Proactively Creating a Divorce-Proof Marriage

1.) Know yourself, trust yourself and like yourself first!

• Define your Life Purpose

• Discern and live by your Values and Priorities

• Create your Life Vision and Life Mission Statement

• Develop a Legacy that will live forever

2.) Create a Balanced Lifestyle

• Set Boundaries and eliminate energy drains

• Create a proactive Self Maintenance program

• Evaluate and Inventory your lifestyle weekly

3.) Surround yourself with Supportive Networks and Communities

• Seek out like-minded and like-valued people

• Create Accountability agreements with others

• Avoid negative situations and environments

4.) Know your Requirements and Needs

• Create and live by your “Deal Makers” and “Deal Breakers”

• Make direct requests to get your needs met

• Always be true to yourself

5.) Take your work in life seriously, but take life lightly

• Practice being flexible, fluid, and accepting

• Avoid trying to “push the river”

• Express your passion in life with the utmost of passion

6.) Understand the healthy romantic relationship developmental process

• Create the criteria for your Life Partner

• Develop “Screening” and “Testing” strategies

• Use your support system for feedback and input

7.) Define your personal Spirituality

• Discover and walk your Spiritual Path

• Practice daily acts to activate your “Highest Self”

• Accept life on life’s terms

8.) Be perfectly imperfect

• Know your character challenges and work to strengthen those areas

• Accept all your errors, mis-takes and failures

• Practice non-judgment of yourself and all others

9.) Live from Abundance

• Practice daily acts of ‘Random Kindness”

• Develop a “Pay it Forward” system in your life

• Create an affirming, fear-less inner dialogue

10.) Be an Excellent Communicator

 • Practice Active Listening as often as possible

• Commit to creating a “Win-Win” outcome with others

• Learn to process emotions, conflict and disagreements

 11.) Get out of your comfort zone

• Learn to accept all your uncomfortable feelings and emotions

• Practice deliberate daily acts of new behavior

• Celebrate discomfort as healthy growth and development

12.) Consciously Breathe and Smile

• Learn to be Silly (use a clown nose if you need too!!)

• Develop Breathing Exercises to enhance your Mind, Body, Heart and Soul

• Smile until you are happy

And if you like this, you’re going to love the workshop this Saturday:

Love YourSelf Before You Love Again

Saturday, November 13th, 9 A.M. – 5 P.M.

Cost: $27 if prepaid, $37 at the door (and includes lunch!!)

FAMILY RESOURCES
5180 62nd Avenue North
Pinellas Park, FL 33781.

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER OR CALL 866.600.6064.

Read more from Ken Donaldson…

1. I want to rescue or “help” them because I see their potential.
2. I love the way they look or their status and it builds my self-esteem to be with them.
3. We have some things in common and so I’m avoiding looking at glaring differences.
4. He/she appears to be totally different than people I’ve been with in the past.
5. I’m focusing on one important quality (money, sex, fun, humor, etc) and ignoring unmet requirements.              
6. He/she reacts to frustration with anger, rage or blame.
7. He/she blames others or circumstances for their current life situation.
8. He/she tries to control everything, including me.
9. He/she is immature, impulsive, and/or irresponsible.
10. He/she is emotionally distant, void or aloof.
11. He/she is still pining for a past relationship.
12. He/she wants me to make their sad life better.
13. He/she is married or otherwise unavailable to commit to me.
14. He/she is active in some addictive behavior but has rationalized as “not a problem.”
15. He/she is pessimistic and negative about things that matter to me.
16. He/she lacks integrity in dealing with people, money, etc.
17. He/she has a judgmental attitude towards others.
18. He/she is unwilling to self-examine, accept feedback or take responsibility.
19. He/she doesn’t keep agreements.
20. What he/she says about him/her doesn’t match reality.
21. He/she is on an emotional roller coaster, or has recurring or regular emotional drama.
22. This isn’t what I really want, but I don’t want to be alone
23. He/she has highly changeable and inconsistent behavior.
24. He/she has the inability to listen.
25. I notice myself trying to change this person to fit what I want, instead of accepting them for who they are.
26. He/she talks too much (especially about self), monopolizes conversation.
27. He/she is overly quiet, withdrawn.

If you want to discover more about creating healthy, happy and harmonious relationships, join me this Saturday for the Love Yourself Before You Love Again workshop.

More from Ken Donaldson…

And Marry YourSelf First!

I’ve been readily preparing for the Love YourSelf Before You Love Again workshop (Saturday, November 13th, 9 A.M. – 5 P.M. ) and as I was going through some old notes, I came across this poem and thought I’d share it with you.

The poem speaks of the essence of being a successful and happy single person, while also being ready for a relationship, which is the whole point of the workshop: Assisting you to be happier in your life and better prepared for future relationships!

Here it is…

Solo Dancer

I am the solo dancer you see there all alone
I dance my dance of passion; I always feel at home

I found some simple secrets in this here solo dance
I know I got to love my Heart to create some true romance

I embrace my solo dance as I dance my rhythm and rhyme
I dance not to another’s step but only to what is mine

Yes I am the solo dancer you see there all alone
All one am I in life now; yes, the little child has grown

I see the toxic places; I know where not to dance
I’ve learned about my boundaries and that old addictive trance

I embrace my every value, yes, I dance my unique step
And if another joins me my values must be kept

Yes, I am the solo dancer you see there all alone
I dance my dance of passion; I always feel at home

I’m proud, I say, of my solo dance; I jump and twirl in bliss
I’m living in my passion and each day I’ll not remiss

Ken “Keni Lee” Donaldson

I hope to see you on the 13th…you and your friends.
Click Here!

I’m putting together a great program…you can see a little sneak preview on Monday morning , as I’ll be a guest on Studio 10.tv.

Today is a GREAT DAY to Marry YourSelf First!

Read more from Ken Donaldson.