Lies about money get tough to hide: MyFoxTAMPABAY.com

I visited my friends from Fox 13 again to discuss Financial Infidelity. Although they edited much of what we discussed (and it was really good…honest!) the overall message here is clear: Get honest with your honey and your money!

Read more from Ken Donaldson.

Marry YourSelf First!!

The A-Z of Happy, Healthy and Harmonious Relationships (Assertiveness to Zealousness and Everything In-Between):

•    Assertiveness: You must ask for what you want…directly.

•    Boundaries: Know what to say yes to and what to say no to.

•    Communication: The cornerstone of all healthy relationships.

•    Deal Makers/ Deal Breakers: The absolutes and unbendable.

•    Emotional Management: Manage your own inside game.

•    Focus-Fear-Faith: Whatever you focus on is where you’ll go.

•    God: Practice your spirituality; whatever it is.

•    Humor: MUST have this for flexibility in the relationship…and life!

•    Integrity: Operating from your wholeness.

•    Jealousy: Just say “NO!” to jealousy.

•    Ken on Call: Have a coach or counselor you can go to help if/when you need to.

•    Logs on the Fire: Keep the fire of passion going.

•    Most Important: Operate from your values…always!

•    NO Blame, Shame or Games: Stay away as these are the three destroyers of all relationships.

•    Openness: Stay open, be honest and lead with willingness.

•    Purpose: Live according to your purpose…put purpose in your relationship…make it big and exciting!

•    Questions: Make inquiries and be curious….stay away from accusations.

•    Rituals: Create positive rituals to create ongoing positive energy.

•    Support Networks: Always have people you can turn to for help.

•    Tongue-Foo Bull-Fighting: Know how to step out of the way, when to listen and when to walk away.

•    Understanding: Always seek to understand and build a bridge.

•    Validation: Seek to find and validate each other’s emotions.

•    Work-Life Balance: Leave work at work…make time to relax and recharge.

•    X (Ex) Relationship Baggage: Leave the past in the past.

•    Yesterday-Today-Tomorrow: Live in today…period!

•    Zealousness: Always find the zeal in the life and bring it into the relationship.

Click here to get the FREE couples guide: Keeping the Affection Connection in the Perfect Direction! 40 Sure-Fire Tactics To Keep The Peace – And The Love!! – Every Day in Every Way!

And Marry YourSelf First!

After thousands of single people in my 25 years of experience, my core message is always the same: Get clear with yourself first…know yourself, trust yourself, believe in yourself and love yourself. Do this and you’ll be much happier and healthier, whether you’re in a relationship or not.

Not exactly what everyone wants to hear as we live in what’s commonly called “the microwave relationship era.”

Everyone seems to want the immediate life partnership without doing the inside work on themselves first. They think if they get ‘The’ relationship, then everything else will fall into place.

That’s usually the beginning of the end.

Then, to make things maybe even more confusing, add into the mix some interesting reports from the highly esteemed Forbes and Kiplinger.

What do Forbes and Kiplinger know about singlehood and relationships? According to them, apparently, quite a bit.

New York, Boston, Chicago, Seattle and Washington, D.C. are the top 5 kingpins of the best cities to be single, according to Forbes.com. And if you happen to live in Tampa-St. Petersburg, it doesn’t look so good as you’re near the rear of the pack at #33 out of 40 cities evaluated.

But wait a minute; Kiplinger.com says that Albuquerque, Atlanta, Austin, The Twin Cities of St. Paul-Minneapolis and Nashville are the top five “Smart” cities for singles!

Confused? You should be!

And how did Forbes and Kiplinger come up with these results?

Forbes apparently actually did some research: “To determine the best city for singles, we ranked 40 of the largest continental U.S. metropolitan statistical areas in seven different categories: coolness, cost of living alone, culture, job growth, online dating, nightlife and number of singles.”

Impressive, but what about Kiplinger? Not sure. Seems like maybe it was much more subjective (“Hey guys, what cities do you think are the ‘smartest’ for single people?”).

And going back to Forbes, what is this “coolness” factor. Sounds cool enough but how do they measure the cool factor of a city?

Here’s what they said: “To determine coolness, market research company Harris Interactive conducted a poll in July 2009 of adults from across the U.S., each of whom was asked, ‘Among the following U.S. cities, which one do you think is the coolest?’ Data were provided by Harris Interactive.”

Hmmmm…does one person’s coolness differ from another? Most likely.

But if you’re single, before you quit your job, sell your house and move north or west, you might want to consider some other much more important factors.

Let’s start by asking a simple question: “What’s your biggest dating challenge?”

Here are a few of the more common responses:

• “I’m uncomfortable approaching someone…what if they say ‘No’?”
  
• “I don’t know how to tell someone that I’m not interested…I have difficulty saying ‘No’ and I’m afraid I’ll hurt their feelings.”
  
• “I feel like my expectations are too high and unrealistic, but then I always end up with people who are well below the standards I set.”

Using the Forbes formula of “coolness, cost of living alone, culture, job growth, online dating, nightlife and number of singles” will not make singles who are struggling with these issues any more successful in their relationships.

It is truly what is in your heart, what you know and how you feel about yourself, and a few basic skill sets that will really make your relationships work.

Here’s the “not so secret” formula: Being a ‘successful single’ is, first and foremost, an inside job. First, you must know and live according to your values. Then, you must understand and adhere to your relationship ‘deal-makers’, ‘deal-breakers’ and compatibility needs. And finally, it helps dramatically if you commit to a balanced and healthy lifestyle, which includes a powerful and active support network. Do all this and you have a far higher likelihood of being relationally successful…regardless of where you live!

Because it is the inside of a person that makes the relationship, NOT the outer influences.

The month of February has been proclaimed as International Relationship Month and Valentine’s Day has been declared as International Singles Day.

If you take your time, watch, listen and probe, you will see who people really are. You must FIRST, however, know who YOU are. Follow the parameters or boundaries you set AND keep them and you will dramatically increase the likelihood of finding a healthy relationship connection. Remember, as Shakespeare said, ‘Above all else, to Thine own self be true!’

Visit www.TheSingleValentine.com for more information about the Free “Single and Lovin’ It Valentine” Webinar on Monday, February 14th at 9 p.m. EST.

Read more about Ken Donaldson here…

I visited my friends at Fox 13 again last week to discuss The Healing Power of Live.

Included in the conversation was Psychoneuroimmunology (a BIG $.50 word!),  Norman Cousins and Anatomy of an Illness,  Dr. Bernie Segal from Love, Medicine and Miracles, Dr. Larry Dossey and his book Healing Words and Gerald Jampolsky from Attitudinal Healing International.

We were even able to bring some of the core Marry YourSelf First principles into the discussion.

Does love have some “secret” healing power?

We thought so based scientific information and from a couple viewer comments.

What do you think? Feel free to leave a comment below…

More from Ken Donaldson…

Marry YourSelf First!

You’ve seen the obvious trends: Increased numbers of divorces, more frequent domestic violence and an overall decrease in relationship intelligence.

We’re becoming relationship dummies.

It’s time to get smart and raise your Relational Intelligence (RQ)!

But how do you raise your RQ?

Let’s start by understanding three components of a highly intelligent relationship culture and what it takes to make healthy relationships:

First, let’s all learn how to effectively deal with conflict and differences.

Second, let’s practice commitment and apply commitment actions to make relationships last.

Third, let’s all be good relationship role models for our children and for future generations.

When we do that, we begin to break the dysfunctional cycle of divorce and domestic violence!

Additionally, it’s wise to know the healthy stages of the relationship continuum. Yes, relationships grow and develop through stages and if you don’t know the stages, then you’re bound to get lost and create relationship havoc for yourself and others.

It’s also worthwhile to know what the most common divorce predictors and indicators of relationship failure are. Always good to know what the early warning signs are!

Perhaps the biggest piece of relationship intelligence is knowing how to effectively communicate, especially with emotionally charged issues.

This is commonly referred to as the “intentional dialogue” and it has very specific techniques that help the people in the conversation stay in the conversation and manage the emotional state of the conversation.

As odd as it may sound, it’s also wise to create a proactive “Relationship Success Plan.” Actually, this only sounds odd because most people don’t do it. Always best to do this before you’re in a relationship, but is equally as valuable to create once you are in a relationship.

When you apply new methods of creating positive rituals in relationships, you also increase your RQ.

And when you understand how to increase positive energy in your relationships, your RQ is raised as well.

It’s time for us to realize that relationship education is no longer an option…it’s mandatory. Reading, writing and arithmetic are not going to prevent divorce, domestic violence or depression. We need life skills training that targets confidence building, self esteem enhancement and basic conflict resolution skills. This is the start to creating healthier individuals who can then create healthier relationships.

It’s time to create relationship education that will change our relationship priorities…that will make us relationally smarter….and raise our RQ!

I invite you to do something to help break these patterns and create a happy, healthy and more harmonious legacy for our future generations.

Go ahead…I dare you!

More from Ken Donaldson…

And Marry YourSelf First!