Ever notice how easy it is to do what you don’t want to do, and know you probably shouldn’t do and, likewise, not do what you want to do and what you actually know is best for you?
Well, maybe not YOU specifically, but people in general.
But then again, maybe I am describing you.
I know I fall prey to these confusing and paradoxical dynamics. Daily, in fact.
What’s worse is that people who are trying to reverse these patterns only further beat themselves down by then being extremely harsh, critical and judgmental of themselves when they come to realize their self-defeating behaviors.
I, however, encourage my clients to put the blame on their chronic and terminal humanness.
Not to take any responsibility off you, but to give yourself a break. After all, you are ONLY human and VERY human.
We’re closer to flying to Pluto then we are at being perfect. And the drive for perfection is one of the most destructive forces of humankind. It is not “kind” at all, nor humane.
Perfectionism is a disease of the mind that is further exacerbated by the many socio-cultural cues that suggest that perfection is both possible and desirable. Just go through the checkout of any grocery store and look at the digitally enhanced models on the magazine covers, along with the headlines of promises and secrets to achieve sexual, relational and personal nirvana, and you’ll quickly see at least one example.
We’re surrounded by these messages from the world of advertising and the almost infinite number of streams of instant media. So surrounded, in fact, that we probably don’t even notice the every day influence they have on us.
We live in a world that hypnotically persuades and suggests that we should strive for perfection when, in reality, we all “suffer” from chronic and terminal humanness.
Actually, suffer is incorrect and harsh.
We are human. Period. Nothing more and nothing less.
The good news is that we have an amazing, and almost unlimited, amount of potential. Each and every one of us humans has a unique creative and intelligent portfolio that expands far beyond our lifetimes.
And if we could all be just a little more graceful, grateful and light-hearted with ourselves, we might just tap into more of those unused potentialities and make more positive changes in the world.
And be much more happy in our lives.
But, we must first accept our chronic and terminal humanness.
- We’re going to make mistakes. A lot of them.
- We’re going to overreact at times. Maybe even often.
- We’re going to say things we don’t really mean.
- We’re going a fail. Again and again and again and again. And again.
- We’re going to feel embarrassed, lonely, doubtful, hopeless and defeated at times.
- We’re going to do things, at times, that just don’t make any sense. Things that are self-defeating or self-sabotaging.
- We’re going to experience all these foibles, and quite possibly more, in our chronic and human lifetimes.
Really, so what?!
It’s what we do next that is most important and most valuable.
Like babies taking their first steps and falling down into an uncoordinated pile of failure, it’s our job to get back up and go forward.
There is a Japanese proverb that fits in perfectly here: Fall down seven times, get up eight.
The key is not to never fall down. The key is to get back up, evaluate what happened and try again with a different strategy.
Being too hard on yourself will only beat you down into feeling worse about yourself.
Be your own best friend and give yourself a loving hug and gentle kick in the butt to live, learn and repeat.
And remember: You are chronically and terminally, and adorably, human.
Make the most of it.
AND…Marry YourSelf First today!