Relationships: Why is it that some people seem to have such ease with them, and other people seem to chronically struggle with them?

Perhaps it’s because some people have prepared themselves and others haven’t.

From my 25 years of experience working with people on the frontlines and in the trenches of their relationship challenges, I have discovered that some people plan and some people don’t.

Sounds too simplistic, doesn’t it?!!

It’s not, as the same rules apply for business. The successful businesses have plans and those that are not successful, don’t.

Simple, yes, but very true.

By now, you’ve heard the saying that “people don’t plan to fail; they just fail to plan.” This saying is most likely the cause of relationship success (and failure).

In fact, there are ten primary factors that I have seen people who are more successful in their relationships use over and over.

Would you like to know what these ten factors are?

Cool!

Maybe the easiest way to introduce them is through a self-evaluation.

Consider this the “10 Step Program for Relationship Success.”

The following evaluation will assist you in assessing your life which, if you didn’t know, is the foundation for all healthy relationships.

At the same time of providing you with helpful feedback to create a happy life and an exciting career, this simple test will direct you to develop the core essentials to create the healthiest relationships possible.

Feel free to share this with your friends, family and loved ones and ask for their input and feedback.

On the following ten items, rate each item using a 0 to 10 scale:

• 8-10: Good; this area of my life is strong and supports my success in life
• 5-7:   OK; this area needs to be strengthened for me to be truly successful
• 0-4:   Needs Work; this area could stop me from going forward and being successful

1.  Vision: I have an exciting Vision for my life and I’m clear where I’m going in life.

2.  Purpose: I have a deep understanding of my Life Purpose and the importance of it in my life and in the lives of others I impact.

3.  Values and Priorities: I know my values and have taken the time to write down the ten most important values of my life. I also know my day-to-day priorities that keep me focused.

4.  Soul Food and Spirituality: I am aware of the activities, people, places and events which energize me and feed my personal spirituality.

5.  Boundaries: I am aware of the boundaries I need to keep with myself and I’m confident about setting boundaries with others, all of which support my Vision, Purpose and Values.

6.  Support Network: I have a powerful support network I use regularly. I ask for assistance in getting past stuck points and I use the power of the “MasterMind” to generate new ideas and solutions.

7.  Life Balance: I regularly evaluate and have a measurable system to check my life balance and I make the necessary adjustments, while also realizing that life is always moving and there is no perfect balance.

8.  Communication: I am comfortable using the most assertive communication tactics necessary to get my needs met and my goals accomplished. I especially practice my listening skills as I realize that listening is the most powerful part of effective communication.

9.  Living in the Present: I am always focused on being in the present (rather than the past or the future) and I have moved past old hurts, resentments and/or trauma.

10.  Flexible: I know that I am “perfectly imperfect” and I use humor, light-heartedness and silliness to manage any and all stress, and I avoid becoming overly serious about anything!

Total your score and let’s see how you did:

80-100= Green Light: You’re on track for highly successful relationships…keep growing forward!

50-79=Yellow Light: There are some areas of your life that need attention in order for you to truly have the relationship you desire.

0-49=RED LIGHT: It’s time to put YOU first and focus on these foundational areas that will support all your future success, especially in your relationships.

There you go: A brand new 10 Step Program for Relationship Success.

Master these ten areas and not only will you have extraordinary relationships, but you’ll also have an extraordinary life.

After all, the two do go together!

More from Ken Donaldson…

Marry YourSelf First!

How do you manage yourself, your work-life balance, and at the same time, maintain physical and mental health, harmony in your family and an overall sense of happiness?

Life is challenging today and when additional pressures are added, without the proper resources, something can break down, resulting in decreased performance, poor health, unnecessary personal power struggles and an overall bad attitude.

The good news is that you can do something about all this.

It all starts with YOU managing YOU First!

Are YOU up for it?

Let’s look at some of the current research related to work-life balance (or the lack thereof) and career satisfaction:

1.   26% of U.S. adults report being on the verge of a serious nervous breakdown.

2.   40% of U.S. workers describe their office environment as “most like a real-life survivor program.”

3.   62% of U.S. workers routinely end the day with work-related neck pain, 44% report strained eyes, 38% complain of hand pain, and 34% report difficulty in sleeping due to work-related stress.

4.   26% of U.S. workers take no vacations at all.

5.   88% of U.S. employees say they have a hard time juggling work and life.

6.   70% of U.S. working fathers and working mothers report they don’t have enough time for their children.

7.   64% of Americans report that time pressures on working families are getting worse, not better.

8.   Americans work 137 more hours per year than Japanese workers, 260 more hours per year than British workers, and 499 more hours per year than French workers. The Japanese document approximately 10,000 cases per year of “death by overwork,” or karoosh. Considering the above stats, what must the undocumented U.S. numbers be??

9.   People in the U.S. work approximately 8 weeks longer per year than in 1969—in the space of a single generation—but for roughly the same income (after adjusting for inflation)

10. AND the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics tracks just about everything but worker satisfaction.

So…what does one make from all this?

Work-life balance? Where is it? It doesn’t seem to exist.

Let’s add in a few more “realities of life.”

• 50% of first marriages end in divorce. This goes up to 60% for second timers and 70% for third times.

Obviously changing partners is not the solution, but more importantly, take a look at what must be relational ignorance.

Relationship intelligence? Lacking, to say the least.

How, then, do we cope with all these work and relational challenges?

Not so well.

Here’s more:

• One in every five Americans suffers from a diagnosable mental condition and the majority of those people never receive treatment.

• Alcoholism and alcohol abuse are the third leading cause of the preventable deaths in the United States.

• From 1960 to 2006, the prevalence of obesity increased from 13.4% to 35.1% in U.S. adults age 20 to 74.

• 15 million people display some sign of gambling addiction.

• A VERY conservative estimate suggests that 3% – 5% of the U.S. population struggles with “sexual compulsion disorders.”

SO…what to do with all this?

Manage YOU First!

Yes, you must know how to manage you first.

What does this mean?

How about a new 13 Step Program?

1.)         Manage Your Personal Vision

2.)         Manage Your Life Purpose

3.)         Manage Your Unique Values

4.)         Manage Your Fear

5.)         Manage Your Past: Feel It, Heal It and Release It

6.)         Manage Your Emotions

7.)         Manage Your Thoughts

8.)         Manage Your Belief System

9.)         Manage Your Actions (and Reactions)

10.)      Manage Your Relationships

11.)      Manage Your Career

12.)      Manage Your Free Time

13.)      Manage Your Health

There…start with that.

Effectively manage these 13 steps and you’ll avoid being one of the above statistics.

Manage You First and you’ll win every time…you’ll win with your health, your career, your relationships, your happiness and, of course, your life.

More from Ken Donaldson…

And Marry YourSelf First!

As you think about the New Year, resolutions and new goals, here’s a template to help you be more clear, concise and thorough with your goal-setting and your goal-getting (no sense in setting them if you can’t “get them”, right?!!).

Start with the eight primary areas of your life and answer the corresponding questions from each area, and then add your own questions to formulate your goals.

Remember to make your goals SMART: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-Oriented.

Here are the eight primary areas of your life to start with:

SOCIAL NETWORK AND FRIENDS

• How are your friendships?
• How is your support network?
• How do you feel about your interpersonal skills?  

FAMILY AND YOUR INNER CIRCLE

• How are your relationships with your parents, siblings, children, spouse and extended family?  
• How is your “chosen” family; your inner circle?

VOCATIONAL, WORK AND VOLUNTEER INVOLVEMENT

• How satisfied are you with your current career?
• What would you rather be doing?
• What type of work has brought you the most satisfaction in the past?
• What do you do to “give back”?

PHYSICAL AND HEALTH

• How are your eating habits?
• How is your regular exercise program?
• How are your sleeping patterns?
• How is your weight? 
• How often do you see your medical professionals?                                   

RECREATIONAL, HOBBIES AND VACATIONS

• What do you do in your leisure time?
• How do you relax and have fun?
• What creative outlets do you have?  

FINANCIAL AND CASH FLOW

• What is your debt level?
• What are you doing to plan for the future? 
• How do you want your financial future to be different?                      

SPIRITUAL AND PERSONAL GROWTH

• How is your spirituality?
• How do you release your emotions?
• What do you do with emotional overload?
• What do you engage in (books, audios, workshops, etc.) to promote your personal growth?

RELATIONAL, ROMANCE AND SIGNIFICANT OTHER

• How is your love life?
• What do you do to keep the passion alive?
• How well do you communicate about the more difficult issues?
• How are your conflict resolution skills?
• If you’re single, how is the dating going?
• What do you want to be different here?

Then go a bit deeper into the core of your life (I dare you!!) and answer the following:

LIFE PURPOSE AND VISION

• Do you know what your life purpose is?
• Have you written your life purpose?
• Do you say it aloud daily?
• Do you have a vision for your life?
• Have you written your vision and/or created a vision map?
• Do you review your vision on a regular basis?

Now you may ask, why go to all this effort?

First of all, as the old saying goes, “No one plans to fail; people just fail to plan.”

And second, if you don’t have a personalized guidance system, some rules, some guidelines or some kind of tailored compass, you’re bound to get lost, feel confused and have an overall unproductive experience.

Create a plan for this New Year, and for your life, and you’re much more likely to achieve and experience everything you desire, and you’re much more likely to be happy, healthy, wealthy and very, very wise!

 Start Here: Marry YourSelf First!

Over the years, I’ve had the opportunity to work with and/or interview thousands of people and ask them about their relationships.

I’ve noticed some trends in the happier, healthier and longer lasting relationships: The individuals in those relationships have some very clear traits and behaviors that separated them from the rest.

Want to know what they are?

Here you go:

The 12 Steps to Proactively Creating a Divorce-Proof Marriage

1.) Know yourself, trust yourself and like yourself first!

• Define your Life Purpose

• Discern and live by your Values and Priorities

• Create your Life Vision and Life Mission Statement

• Develop a Legacy that will live forever

2.) Create a Balanced Lifestyle

• Set Boundaries and eliminate energy drains

• Create a proactive Self Maintenance program

• Evaluate and Inventory your lifestyle weekly

3.) Surround yourself with Supportive Networks and Communities

• Seek out like-minded and like-valued people

• Create Accountability agreements with others

• Avoid negative situations and environments

4.) Know your Requirements and Needs

• Create and live by your “Deal Makers” and “Deal Breakers”

• Make direct requests to get your needs met

• Always be true to yourself

5.) Take your work in life seriously, but take life lightly

• Practice being flexible, fluid, and accepting

• Avoid trying to “push the river”

• Express your passion in life with the utmost of passion

6.) Understand the healthy romantic relationship developmental process

• Create the criteria for your Life Partner

• Develop “Screening” and “Testing” strategies

• Use your support system for feedback and input

7.) Define your personal Spirituality

• Discover and walk your Spiritual Path

• Practice daily acts to activate your “Highest Self”

• Accept life on life’s terms

8.) Be perfectly imperfect

• Know your character challenges and work to strengthen those areas

• Accept all your errors, mis-takes and failures

• Practice non-judgment of yourself and all others

9.) Live from Abundance

• Practice daily acts of ‘Random Kindness”

• Develop a “Pay it Forward” system in your life

• Create an affirming, fear-less inner dialogue

10.) Be an Excellent Communicator

 • Practice Active Listening as often as possible

• Commit to creating a “Win-Win” outcome with others

• Learn to process emotions, conflict and disagreements

 11.) Get out of your comfort zone

• Learn to accept all your uncomfortable feelings and emotions

• Practice deliberate daily acts of new behavior

• Celebrate discomfort as healthy growth and development

12.) Consciously Breathe and Smile

• Learn to be Silly (use a clown nose if you need too!!)

• Develop Breathing Exercises to enhance your Mind, Body, Heart and Soul

• Smile until you are happy

And if you like this, you’re going to love the workshop this Saturday:

Love YourSelf Before You Love Again

Saturday, November 13th, 9 A.M. – 5 P.M.

Cost: $27 if prepaid, $37 at the door (and includes lunch!!)

FAMILY RESOURCES
5180 62nd Avenue North
Pinellas Park, FL 33781.

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER OR CALL 866.600.6064.

Read more from Ken Donaldson…

On Monday, October 18, 2010 from 11:30 AM – 2 PM, the Tampa Bay Chapter of the American Marketing Association is sponsoring a presentation by Tony Hsieh (pronounced ‘shay’), CEO of Zappos. Tony is one of the most widely respected and successful business innovators in the new economy and he will be at the A La Carte Event Pavilion to discuss the secrets to business success, as well as his new book, Delivering Happiness.

As the CEO of Zappos.com, the online shoe sales company, Tony has achieved phenomenal company growth through revolutionary approaches to marketing, human resources and customer service.

As a speaker, Tony guides his audiences to find a path to profit, passion and purpose by explaining how corporate culture, unique employee and staff talents, and building a strong framework,  all tie-in to this idea of happiness in your company and creating and sustaining a more engaged workforce.

It’s well known that “engaged” employees are absent less, have lower turnover rates and – most importantly – devote more of their discretionary time and creative energy to their jobs and employers.

The audience will experience insights and information from three core professional (and personal) areas of growth and development:

Culture – The Zappos employees have created a list of 10 core values and these are used to hire and fire. They include: Deliver “wow” through service, embrace and drive change, create fun and a little weirdness, pursue growth and learning, do more with less, be humble.

Commit to Transparency –Zappos shares their data with vendors and other stakeholders and sometimes it ends up in the hands of competitors, but it also adds extra eyes helping to manage the business and feeling like partners.

Sustainable Happiness – Tony will present a framework to figure out your passion: Chase the vision, not the money. The money will follow.

Agenda:
11:30 a.m. to 12:00 p.m. – Networking
12:00 p.m. to 12:30 p.m. – Lunch
12:30 p.m. to 1:30 p.m. – Presentation and Q&A
1:30 p.m. to 2:00 p.m. – Book Signing

A La Carte Event Pavilion
4050 Dana Shores Drive
Tampa, Florida 33634
813.831.5390

Event Fees: AMA Members – $30, Guests – $50, Students: $25. Visit http://bit.ly/ZapposInTampa for more information.

“Life is full of risks anyway, why not take them?”

Lindsay Lohan is in the news again and besides the obvious and disturbing chain of events that she has imposed upon herself, this does make for an interesting case study about mental health, addiction and overall life balance.

Lindsay has had a couple of arrests and has been in and out of treatment for her mental health and substance abuse issues. One may think that someone who has this potential as a movie star would make choices to “clean up” their life.

Not that she has been the first “star” to succumb to drugs and alcohol.

In fact, it happens every day.

We every day people just don’t always hear about it.

But what are the big lessons here? What can we all learn from this (including Lindsay, hopefully!)?

1.) Drug and alcohol misuse, abuse and addiction are still alive and well. In spite of there being less news about these trends, they are still progressing in an expanding direction. For example, the prescription pain-killer epidemic is like the heroin craze from the 60s and 70s.

2.) Denial is king when it comes to addiction. Denial has many different variations. Minimizing, justifying, rationalizing, blaming others and intellectualizing are just a few of the different variations. The bottom-line is that denial is the #1 most common and powerful characteristic of any and all addictive behavior.

3.) Sometimes it’s not just addiction. There have been numerous reports that Lindsay is also suffering from clinical depression or bi-polar disorder. We’ll probably never know as that information is kept confidential. Nor do we need to know.

But here’s something to consider: People often turn to drugs and alcohol as an attempt to self-medicate themselves from ailments like depression, anxiety, panic and unresolved trauma. This is commonly referred to as “double trouble” as the combination of any of these emotional conditions with drugs or alcohol creates a negative synergistic result that can be deadly.

4.)  Don’t expect help to come knocking at your door. Usually the only time we really hear about drug and alcohol problems is when a celebrity has a problem and the media picks it up and reports on it. We are, in general, poorly equipped to know what to do with addiction. Additionally, and this is a bit of a kicker, many people are in denial about denial. People just don’t want to know and, therefore, don’t know what to do when the problem shows up in their friends, family or in themselves.

The good news is that recovery is not only possible, it’s actually quite simple.

However, don’t confuse simple with easy.

It’s not “easy” to break the addictive patterns of drugs and alcohol. The addictive energy is very powerful and will “fight” to stay alive. The people of Alcoholics Anonymous refer to this energy as “cunning, powerful and baffling.”

Here are the foundational, and simple, pieces to healthy and successful recovery from addiction, as well as the path to the best mental health:

• The Beatles said it best: I get by with a little help from my friends. Your support system is where you can go to talk about you and your challenges. They will hold you, hug you and love you, AND they will kick you in the butt when you need it. If you don’t have a solid support system, today is a good day to start.
• Balance: Know when your life is in balance and know when it’s out. Know the indicators.
• Boundaries: Create solid boundaries with others and with yourself. Boundaries are the core to a balanced life.  Know what to say “Yes” to and know what to say “No” to.
• Bliss: Know your life purpose and be passionate about it. Find and live your bliss in life.

Yes, Lindsay Lohan is in a tough situation. And let’s hope she gets it together.  More importantly, YOU have a chance now to review your life, make adjustments and make sure you create an “anti-addiction” life and the best mental health possible.

And, of course, you’ll create maximum life balance too.

Today is a good day to Marry YourSelf First!

More from Ken Donaldson here…

They are the foundational pieces of your ultimate life, the best relationships and having extraordinary passion for your work!

Watch this and then go live it!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Leave your comments below.

Marry YourSelf First NOW!

Want more passion, power, purpose and prosperity in your life? Here’s the official Ken Donaldson Marry YourSelf First!

#1 Allow your life purpose to be the flashlight to keep you on the pathway of your life.

#2 Create your vision and you’ll have the magnet that will pull you into your ultimate and utmost future.

#3 Allow your values and priorities to be the guides on your path that will keep you going in the direction of your purpose and your vision.

#4 Create and live your legacy today.

#5 Live by the Law of Attraction and put your focus, energy, emotions AND action toward what you truly desire in this lifetime.

#6 Give unconditionally and anonymously.

#7 Practice the daily rituals that evoke your unique spirituality and invite your True Essence and your Highest Self to shine.

#8 Know and live by your deal-makers and deal-breakers.

#9 Discern between accepting and settling. Accept what you cannot change, but never settle for anything below your standards.

#10 Live by your integrity, and allow yourself to be true to you first and foremost.

#11 Know, practice and learn from your boundaries (proactive and reactive, inner and outer), and by doing so you allow yourself to be in your power, in the present moment and in the highest degree of balance possible.

#12 Find and use the support networks that encourage your passion, power, purpose and prosperity, and invite your whole self to shine.

#13 Learn the communication strategies and tactics that will further empower you, reinforce your boundaries and fulfill all your needs.

#14 Understand and live in accordance with the relationship developmental process. In doing so you’ll have the closest relationships only with those who truly support, accept and encourage you.

#15 Always be willing to step out of your comfort zone to promote growth, change and unlimited possibility into your life.

#16 Commit to finalize all your unfinished business from the past and in doing so allow yourself to be present in the present.

#17 Separate “who you are” – your being – from “what you do” your doing – and choose to live more from your being state.

#18 Learn to go with the flow in life. Navigate through and around the challenging times and be focused on the journey, not the destination.

#19 Practice frequent silliness, deliberate breathing and conscious walking, all to give yourself the proactive medicine of health and well-being.

#20 Recognize, accept and embrace the perfect imperfection of you.

Any questions ( leave them below, as well as any comments you might have)?

Now…go live your life to the fullest…more passion…more power…more purpose…and more prosperity!

It’s time for YOU to get with the Marry YourSelf First! movement

I visited Zappos last year when I was out there ( Las Vegas) on vacation.

Quite a unique and amazing place to work…just watch the video and you’ll see!

CEO Tony Hsieh has just released his book Delivering Happiness: A Path to Profits, Passion, and Purpose *

I highly recommend the book…I’m reading it right now myself.

In this video you’ll see the Zappos Family Core Values and I invite you, if you haven’t already, to develop your own core values, both for your business and your personal life….or maybe they’re all the same!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Leave a comment below and tell me what you think.

Ken Donaldson says, Marry YourSelf First…today!

* Amazon affiliate link

Click here to view the embedded video.

Click here to go directly to their website to register.

Today: Marry YourSelf First!