Hear Wednesday’s interview-
Anything But Ordinary Radio
- Extraordinary Relationships

It was one of the better
interviews I’ve been a part of.

Of course, host of the show and
friend Michael McCleary,
does a great job…
he made it easy for me…
and fun!!

I know you’ll like it…
so will your friends…
go ahead…
impress them with who you know!

Still giving away f*r*e*e*
Marry YourSelf First! workbooks…
get yours here.

Happy Friday!

Starring my Mom and Dad!

Marry YourSelf First!

Yes, you can be positive or negative with your lover. Negative energy is just positive energy in reverse. If you find yourself being negative, then simply reverse your energy and choose to be positive.

But isn’t it amazing how easy it is to nit-pick your lover. Why is that? Why would you want to be critical or judgmental of the one you love?

We could analyze that for many hours and come up with many nifty theories, none of which would create any change.

So how about this: Just shift gears to the positive. Look for what your lover DID do correctly. Look for what you DO appreciate. Look for all the ways your lover treats you well.

And think back to the beginning of the relationship…remember when all you could see was all the wonderfulness of your lover?

Well, replay that! Now!

But wait…there’s an even bigger piece in this for you.

Did you know that sometimes, some people actually project their own shortcomings onto others?

And where does this take place more than anywhere else? Believe it or not, in a relationship between two lovers!

It’s the old “if you spot it, then you got it” dynamic.

That’s right, many times, and usually more subconsciously than consciously, lovers will project their own shortcomings, failures, fears and other assorted negative feelings and perceptions of themselves onto their lover.

So before you begin to take a negative inventory of your lover, take at least two steps:

1.) Remind yourself of all the positive attributes of your lover and be very generous in pointing them out. Get into a daily habit, and even several times a day, to communicate what you love, enjoy and appreciate about your lover.

2.) Before you point out anything negative, critical or judgmental, or anything that could even closely be interpreted as such, go look in the mirror and ask yourself honestly if you might have some of these same characteristics. It’s a tough but very powerful self-intervention.

Remember: Choose the path of positivity in your relationship…after all, that is what you want in return, right?!!

And Marry YourSelf First Every Day in Every Way!

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Relationship counseling tip: Have faith in your partner over doubt…invest in the building blocks of trust and cast out the termites of fear!

“Trust is to human relationships what faith is to gospel living. It is the beginning place, the foundation upon which more can be built. Where trust is, love can flourish.”  ~Barbara Smith

Do you trust your lover? 100%? If so, what did you do to create that? If not, what have you done to create that?

The trust factor in a relationship is one of the primary cornerstones of a solid relationship foundation. Without trust, the relationship can be easily upset and usually stays more in an upset mode.

The big question is, if there is a lack of trust, why is it there? Has something legitimate happened to trigger it, or is it something from the “ghosts of relationships past” that is simply being transferred onto your current relationship?

If there is a lack of trust, then it’s time for the two of you to take a good long and very honest and open look at what’s happened. If there is something there that can’t seem to be resolved, then perhaps getting some professional help would be the next best move.

If lying, cheating or deception has occurred, you can bet that rebuilding trust will take significant time, energy and effort.

So, there are the obvious trust factors involving honesty and fidelity, and there are also many more subtle factors that occur on a daily basis.

For example, sometimes there may be a tendency to question your lover. This may be a very conscious act or, in many cases, more of a subconscious reaction. Oftentimes this comes from trying to rationalize something or to make sense of an emotional state. In these cases, it’s probably not intended as anything negative or hurtful, even though it may be perceived as such.

Therefore, you need to know this: There’s a fine line between questioning your lover’s judgment or decision-making skills for the purpose of understanding or being truly supportive and protective versus questioning because you want to be “right.”

This being right is typically when one person wants to feel in control, so they try to point out what the other has done “wrong” or could do differently.

This is usually either driven from the ego or fear, which, when you get to origin, are generally one in the same.

If you participate in trying to be right you’ll create an almost instant destruction!

Many relationships have been destroyed because one or both people are driven to be right. Make your relationship goal connection, understanding and support, instead of the ego-driven “need to be right syndrome.”

In any case, this questioning dynamic can be an irritant at the core of your relationship because it can bring with it the feeling of doubt. Obviously your relationship would be best served to eliminate this unnecessary, irritating and potentially damaging dynamic.

Therefore, it is always wise to ask and get clarity. Ask if your lover would like input, feedback, suggestions or ideas. Likewise, ask if they just want you to be an empathetic and understanding sounding board.

Whatever the case is, if you’re not supporting your lover with trust and faith, you risk sending a message of doubt, even though that may not be your intention.

Be trusting, be encouraging, be supportive, be curious and have faith that your lover is making good choices. Always use the healthy relational building blocks of faith and trust and avoid the destructive termites of fear and doubt.

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”  ~ Thomas Merton

 Please leave your commnets below…

Marry YourSelf First! Today…and Every Day!

“I believe that we are here for each other, not against each other. Everything comes from an understanding that you are a gift in my life – whoever you are, whatever our differences.”  ~ John Denver

It’s a known fact that those relationships which resist change often become stagnant and lose the passion and fire that was so much of the attraction early on. Without even realizing it, the couple enjoyed the differences early on because the differences were all part of the discovery process: Getting to know, learn and like each other.

Then, something slowly starts to change: Both people start to get pulled into the “same old-same old” pattern. Yes, we humans need a certain amount of predictability and familiarity, but too much of this results in the status quo. This “status quo syndrome” is oftentimes the beginning of a slow, painful slide into stagnation. And stagnation is where there is no passion, no growth and no change.

What’s the antidote? Embrace change and embrace your differences!

This goes way beyond just tolerating differences. This is truly looking for and embracing differences as part of the fundamental core of healthy ongoing relational growth and development.

Imagine if every day, everything you encountered was exactly the same (Remember the movie Groundhog Day?). Yes, it’d be “safe” and predictable, but this would not allow for any growth.

Think of relationships as growing, living organisms that need room to grow and expand. Would you put a hummingbird into a cage? No, of course not. In fact, a hummingbird would die in a very short period of time if it were caged.

Same thing with your relationship. And the easiest way to invite growth and expansion is to look for and celebrate the differences.

Here’s how the conversation between Don and Donna goes:

Don, “Honey, what are you reading?”

Donna, “The History of Man.”

Don, “Really?!! Tell me what drew you to that?”

Donna, “I saw a special on TV about it.”

Don, “Oh…tell me what you’ve enjoyed most so far.”

Donna, “The male and female differences that have been occurring for ages.”

Don, “Wow…sounds interesting. Please keep me informed with what else you discover and learn.”

Donna, “Sure thing.”

Now that may sound rather superficial (and it is somewhat), but the point is to have NO judgment or criticism about what your lover is talking about or referring to. Rather, be interested and curious.

When you release judgment and criticism about differences and keep the focus more on discovering something new and different about each other, you simply add more fuel to the passion-fire of the relationship.

You want to keep the passion alive…keep the fire burning…criticism and judgment simply put the fire out.

“When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom.”  ~John Gray

 Please leave your comments below.

 Marry YourSelf First!