“Man is a knot into which relationships are tied.”  ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

How much weight do your relationships have on your life? How about “mucho-mucho”!

However, relationships are very challenging for most people. Here’s the evidence:
As you know, about 50% of first time marriages end in divorce.
You may not know that second timers have a 60% divorce rate and third timers have a 70% divorce rate.
(FYI: Getting a different partner does not seem to be the solution).

Additionally, one in three women will be physically abused by a partner at some point in her life. That is a very conservative number as most abuse is never reported.

So, obviously, the “We” part of this equation is lacking something.

Let’s also look at the “You” and “Me” parts as well:
About 10% of our population meets the criteria for alcoholism.

Another 10% is drug addicted.

Also, about 10% are clinically depressed.

Another 10% meet the clinical criteria for an anxiety disorder.

So let’s stop right there for a moment…good time to take a deep breath in…and a deep breath out.

What does this all say? Simple: Not only do we not know what to give to our relationships to help them flourish and grow, we don’t even know what to give to ourselves!

To say that we have a lack of coping skills would be an exaggerated understatement.

We have a serious problem is what we have!

And here’s even worse news: Our politicians in Washington are not going to fix this for us.

Therefore, it’s up to us…each and every one of us!

Think about this for a moment: Imagine there was a number of TV shows that were designed to create dramatic change in our country. Imagine that was the only purpose of these shows…only to create dramatic change.

Every week there would be a focus on something new to change. Something positive that would help individuals and families. And every week there would be a challenge to the viewers: See how much positive change you can create this week. People who create massive positive change would be featured.

But wait…there’s more!

Imagine that we integrated into our school system, first and foremost, curriculum that was specifically designed to help students improve the following:

• Stress Management Skills
• Assertiveness
• Boundary Setting
• Self-Esteem Building
• Team Building
• Relationship Skills

Whoa! What would happen if this was the primary focus of school and THEN we worked on reading, writing and arithmetic?

Yes, imagine what this would do to the previously mentioned divorce, addiction and mental health numbers.

Yes…imagine!

But know this: Everything that has ever been created or invented started in the imagination.

Every idea went from imagination to possibility, and then to a burning desire to create it, followed by a magnificent obsession to make sure it happened.

So here’s the question to YOU: What will YOU do to make this happen?

Until the media shows up with such a series of shows and until the education system transforms its learning styles, it’s up to you and me to make these changes.

What will you do today to help transform You, Me and the Space Between We?

Want more life balance? Then upgrade your relationship skills. Then, go do something yourself to help change things for the positive…that’ll give your life more balance too!

“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us.  That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.”  ~Emily Kimbrough

Marry YourSelf First Today!

And Feel Free To Leave A Comment…Or Two!

Ken Donaldson Keynote at D.W. Waters Graduation

I had the privilege and honor on this past Thursday evening of delivering the graduation keynote for the D.W. Waters class of 2010.

Just to give you a little insight, D.W. Waters’ motto is “It’s not where you start, it’s where you finish that counts!”

No big deal, right?

Wrong!

This is a WAY special class…check out their enrollment criteria:
 • At least 16 years of age
 • At least one year behind in school                                                    
 • No record of severe discipline problems
 • Wants to focus on a chosen Career Cluster at DWWCC (D. W. Waters Career Center)
 • Willing to commit to workplace training (OJT)

These are the students who make “high risk” look like every day living. For whatever reason (pregnancy, emotional and/or learning challenges, abuse, etc.), these courageous young people chose to continue on.

Most of them were so far behind that they couldn’t even imagine catching up, much less graduating.

And it would have been easier to quit!

A group of about 12 students sang the musical selection for the ceremony, I Believe I Can Fly. A perfect song for the students, the school and the event.

Here are the lyrics in case you’re not familiar with song:

“I Believe I Can Fly”
~R. KELLY

I used to think that I could not go on
And life was nothing but an awful song
But now I know the meaning of true love
I’m leaning on the everlasting arms

If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there’s nothing to it

I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly

See I was on the verge of breaking down
Sometimes silence can seem so loud
There are miracles in life I must achieve
But first I know it starts inside of me, oh

If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there’s nothing to it

I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly

Hey, cause I believe in me, oh

If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there’s nothing to it

I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly

Hey, if I just spread my wings
I can fly
I can fly
I can fly, hey
If I just spread my wings
I can fly
Fly-eye-eye

Anyway, I thought long and hard about what to say to them.

So I decided to dare them…yes, I simply dared them…

I dared them to find and be the greatness that they truly are.

I dared them to find their unique purpose and live it every day in every way.

I dared them to find their own personal soul food and to continually, without fail, feed their spirit.

I dare them to figure out, set and maintain the boundaries that will empower them, to say a resounding “Yes” to all they do want, need and desire, and say a resonant “No” to all they will not tolerate.

I dared them to realize that the world needs them today more than ever, and the answers to the world’s problems will not come from Washington or Hollywood, but rather, from each and every one of them.

I dared them to surround themselves with the people who love them, accept them and encourage them, and to step away from those who don’t.

I dared them to tell themselves, time and time again, that they are deserving, gifted and of great value, and to say that to themselves as their powerful and affirming mantra.

I dared them to realize that life is full of unexpected challenges (I mentioned this as a very young child in the audience began to express herself in a very assertive way!) and one of the greatest gifts we can all give to ourselves is the gift of humor, which allows us to be flexible and fluid as we navigate down the river of life.

I dared them to remind that person in the mirror of their greatness, their importance, their value and their purpose, time and time and time again.

Yes, I simply dared them to be great.

Them, their parents, their friends, the teachers, and everyone else who was there on Thursday…I dared them all.

But the greatest dare I addressed was the dare to myself…to live what I said; to practice what I preached; to be the model of the dare.

What about you…have you dared yourself lately?

I dare you…

PS I hope to have a video of the whole presentation soon…I think it’ll worth watching…stay tuned!

Ken at D.W. Waters with another Marry YourSelf First fan!

 Marry YourSelf First!

Feel free to leave a comment or two…

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Dr. Seuss

Would you ever deliberately disrupt your balance in life? Turn away love? Destroy success? No, of course not! So, why then, do people seem to engage in self-sabotaging behavior so frequently?

Why is it that someone would choose to do something they know, based on past experience, would NOT have a good outcome. In fact, why would someone choose to do something they know would have a negative outcome?

Are they insane?

No…of course not!

They just can’t see what they can’t see.

In other words, people don’t truly see the cause, or the roots, of “self-sabotaging” behavior.

It’s hidden…buried…deep beneath the surface.

Much like the, yes, roots of a tree: You can’t see them, but you know they exist because that’s what feeds the tree.

You too have roots that are buried that you may not be seeing fully.

SO…if there are certain behaviors that keep appearing in your life, disrupting your work life balance (and perhaps everything else!), it’s time for you to take a deeper look.

Start here with a very simple, but powerful, self-inventory:

1.) Review your childhood. What messages did you receive, directly or indirectly, from your primary caretakers (parents, teachers, church, sitters, etc.)?

2.) Were there events that occurred early in your life that may have dramatically influenced how you felt about yourself, felt about others and/or felt about life in general?

3.) Have there been recurring patterns of self-destructive or self-limiting behaviors in your life?

Add all this together and what you’ll probably see are some patterns…these are the influences that could very well be occurring beneath the surface in the subconscious part of your mind.

And the subconscious, much like the roots of a tree, is buried beneath the surface.

You can’t see it, but you can see the results: Self–sabotaging behaviors.

There are only a few basic beliefs that get formed in the subconscious that are problematic. Here they are:

1.) “I’m afraid of failing so I either try to be perfect or I don’t try at all.”

2.) “I’m afraid of rejection so I either do everything to keep people close to me (including rejecting my own values and boundaries) or I just settle for second-class relationships because I know they won’t leave me.”

3.) “I’m afraid of change so I do everything to maintain “status quo” including avoiding opportunities to advance myself because that would require change. I try to stay as invisible as possible.”

4.) “I’m afraid of success because I think I either can’t handle it or I’ll mess it up, so I do everything I can to avoid success, including “self-sabotaging” behavior.”

Do you see yourself anywhere in there?

If so, here’s what you do, plain and simple, if you have any of this funky stuff going on in your “roots”: Do the opposite! That’s right, just do the opposite!

Fear of failing? Go make many, many mistakes…celebrate mistakes!

Fear of rejection? Go let yourself be rejected over and over…celebrate your efforts!

Fear of change? Go try as may new and different things as you can…celebrate your willingness!

Fear of success? Go and do all those things you’ve wanted to do, planned to do or thought about doing. Do them over and over and do NOT allow yourself to quit. Surround yourself with a support system that will cheer you on and never let you quit…celebrate your success!

Break the spell…break the old trance…create new roots.

That’s how it’s done!

Have YOU been your own worst enemy in the past?

Are you ready to start new patterns in your life? For the rest of your life?

Want more love? More success? More happiness? More health? More balance in your life?

Then break the spells that have been operating beneath the surface…make new roots for your tree of life!

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” ~Winston Churchill

And, of course, Marry YourSelf First!

And Leave  Comment Or Two Below!

I was preparing for a Time Management presentation for my friends at Verizon Wireless earlier this week and, as I often do, I wanted to create something unique and I found this Success vs. Detour comic.

Sometimes in life, if you really want to be at the top of your success, whatever that is for you, you must go off the beaten path, climb over the boulders of impossibility, and blaze your own trail to the top of Mount Success.

Which is also known as Mount Happiness.

Which path do you choose?

I also went online to look around just to see what other people were saying about time management these days.

The first thing I noticed was that Google had over 191,000,000 time management web pages listed!

Now THAT’S a hot topic!

As I was looking around for something new or different, I came across this poem, “Take Time”, and I wanted to share it with you.

I believe it speaks of the priorities of life, which is really how we become the best time, and life, managers: Putting what it is that we most value first!

Take Time
(Author unknown)
Take time to think – thoughts are the source of power.
Take time to play – play is the secret of perpetual youth.
Take time to read – reading is the fountain of wisdom.
Take time to pray – prayer can be a rock of strength in time of need.
Take time to love – loving is what makes living worthwhile.
Take time to be friendly – friendships give life a delicious flavor.
Take time to laugh – laughter is the music of the soul.
Take time to give – sharing brings joy to your heart.
Take time to work – work is the price of success.
Take time to dream – dreams show you what is possible.
Take time to do your work well – pride in your work nourishes the mind and the spirit.
Take time to show appreciation – it’s the frosting on the cake of life.

Here’s the bottom-line: If you want to truly taste the sweet fruit of life, you have to first decide what it is you truly value and keep that always as your top priority. Create the boundaries to enhance it and protect it.

AND, you’ll probably be required to go the extra mile and off the beaten path.

Remember: The fruit is at the end of the limb, so when you go out on that limb and it feels scary and shaky, just know that you’re right on target and that much closer to the fruit you desire…and deserve!

And Always Marry YourSelf First!

Thoughts? Leave a comment below!

“The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short, but in setting our aim too low and achieving our mark.”
~ Michelangelo: Italian artist and sculptor

I just want to know one thing: What are YOU aiming for?

Settling for the “easy” target?

Or are you one of the few (the 2%ers) who aims “too high”?

Either way, I’m here to support you.

I wrote “I Dare You” a couple years ago and I wanted to share it with you (again).

It’s long, yes, and usually only the 2%ers read it all the way through.

************
I Dare You

I dare you to read this ALL the way through to the end.

Then, I dare you to take the appropriate follow-up action.

Yes…I dare you!

I dare you to go stand in front of the mirror and ask the man or woman you see, “Who am I?”

I dare you to ask the question, “Who am I?”, until you answer it with a purpose for your life so rich and so deep it will give you chill bumps and adrenalin rushes just to think of it.

I dare you to then create a vision for your purpose so compelling that it will automatically pull you into it faster than the speed of light.

I dare you to ask yourself, “What is truly important to me?”, and not stop asking until you have determined all the values that are unique to you.

I dare you live in accordance with your values, your vision and your purpose regardless of  what others may say or do and regardless of what you think others may say or do.

Yes, I dare you to march to the beat of your drum even if you are the only one with that beat, that rhythm and that tune.

I dare you to be truly you.

I dare you to recall that this nation was build on the foundation of only a handful of people who had the values, the vision and purpose to make things different…yes, they did and because of them, we have the lives we live today.

I dare you to show up at your best when the rest of the world appears to be at its worst.

I dare you to pick and choose the people who will support your purpose, vision and values and let go of the others who won’t.

I dare you to never settle again for any level of relationship that is destructive, abusive and/or energy-draining.

Yes, I dare you to live a life of total integrity.

I dare you to let go of the fears of failure, rejection, change and, yes, even success, and instead, embrace the belief that Life is forever Loving and the Universe has unlimited prosperous abundance just for the asking.

I dare you to laugh at stress and see the unimportance of making mistakes, errors and/or failures to control your mood, your thoughts or your life in any way, shape or form.

I dare you to sing, dance, write, paint, draw or otherwise express your creativity without comparing yourself to others.

I dare you to be truly you…100%!!

I dare to take all this and live it every day, 24-7-365, and should you slip back into your old ways that you just simply come back and gently remind yourself of your commitment to your personal path of your personal excellence.

Yes, I dare you to be different.

I dare you to not allow yourself to be influenced by the “bigger, better, faster, more, now” machine.

I dare you to find your own pulse and simply follow it.

And when you walk past the mirror that you’ve been gazing into, I dare you to be reminded again and again of your unique beauty, your unique power, your unique calling and the unique path in this Life of yours.

I dare you to make a difference in whatever way you can, however big or small, globally or locally.

Yes, I dare you today to commit to be different…
to make the most important thing about the most important thing the most important thing.

I dare you to NOT allow outside influences to change who you are, where you are going, who you are going there with or what is truly important to you.

But the biggest dare I have today is to now stand in front of my mirror and do everything I have just challenged you to do…
to be a powerful role model…to practice what I say…
and to accept all my imperfections as just merely normal aspects of my humanness.

I dare us all to realize that collectively we have to power to make this place, this Planet Earth of ours, into whatever form we choose.

Lastly, I dare you forward this, cut and paste this and/or print this and give it to your loved ones, friends, colleagues and bosses. I dare you to forward copies of this to every newspaper, magazine and media outlet you know of or are connected to.

But better yet, I dare you to write your own version of this and send it to everyone you know…

I dare you to be a difference-maker in your family, your place of work, your community and your world.

I dare us all to start NOW!

******************
I Dare You…

**Love Yourself Before You Love Again**
Saturday, April 10th 9-5

http://www.youandmewe.org/node/258

**What is Truly I.M.P.O.R.T.A.N.T.?
The 9 Indisputable Winning Dynamics of
Health, Wealth and Happiness™!**

Tuesday, April 20th at 8 p.m. EST:
http://kendonaldson.com/teleseminar/

Please leave a comment below…tell me your thoughts!!