How do you manage yourself, your work-life balance, and at the same time, maintain physical and mental health, harmony in your family and an overall sense of happiness?

Life is challenging today and when additional pressures are added, without the proper resources, something can break down, resulting in decreased performance, poor health, unnecessary personal power struggles and an overall bad attitude.

The good news is that you can do something about all this.

It all starts with YOU managing YOU First!

Are YOU up for it?

Let’s look at some of the current research related to work-life balance (or the lack thereof) and career satisfaction:

1.   26% of U.S. adults report being on the verge of a serious nervous breakdown.

2.   40% of U.S. workers describe their office environment as “most like a real-life survivor program.”

3.   62% of U.S. workers routinely end the day with work-related neck pain, 44% report strained eyes, 38% complain of hand pain, and 34% report difficulty in sleeping due to work-related stress.

4.   26% of U.S. workers take no vacations at all.

5.   88% of U.S. employees say they have a hard time juggling work and life.

6.   70% of U.S. working fathers and working mothers report they don’t have enough time for their children.

7.   64% of Americans report that time pressures on working families are getting worse, not better.

8.   Americans work 137 more hours per year than Japanese workers, 260 more hours per year than British workers, and 499 more hours per year than French workers. The Japanese document approximately 10,000 cases per year of “death by overwork,” or karoosh. Considering the above stats, what must the undocumented U.S. numbers be??

9.   People in the U.S. work approximately 8 weeks longer per year than in 1969—in the space of a single generation—but for roughly the same income (after adjusting for inflation)

10. AND the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics tracks just about everything but worker satisfaction.

So…what does one make from all this?

Work-life balance? Where is it? It doesn’t seem to exist.

Let’s add in a few more “realities of life.”

• 50% of first marriages end in divorce. This goes up to 60% for second timers and 70% for third times.

Obviously changing partners is not the solution, but more importantly, take a look at what must be relational ignorance.

Relationship intelligence? Lacking, to say the least.

How, then, do we cope with all these work and relational challenges?

Not so well.

Here’s more:

• One in every five Americans suffers from a diagnosable mental condition and the majority of those people never receive treatment.

• Alcoholism and alcohol abuse are the third leading cause of the preventable deaths in the United States.

• From 1960 to 2006, the prevalence of obesity increased from 13.4% to 35.1% in U.S. adults age 20 to 74.

• 15 million people display some sign of gambling addiction.

• A VERY conservative estimate suggests that 3% – 5% of the U.S. population struggles with “sexual compulsion disorders.”

SO…what to do with all this?

Manage YOU First!

Yes, you must know how to manage you first.

What does this mean?

How about a new 13 Step Program?

1.)         Manage Your Personal Vision

2.)         Manage Your Life Purpose

3.)         Manage Your Unique Values

4.)         Manage Your Fear

5.)         Manage Your Past: Feel It, Heal It and Release It

6.)         Manage Your Emotions

7.)         Manage Your Thoughts

8.)         Manage Your Belief System

9.)         Manage Your Actions (and Reactions)

10.)      Manage Your Relationships

11.)      Manage Your Career

12.)      Manage Your Free Time

13.)      Manage Your Health

There…start with that.

Effectively manage these 13 steps and you’ll avoid being one of the above statistics.

Manage You First and you’ll win every time…you’ll win with your health, your career, your relationships, your happiness and, of course, your life.

More from Ken Donaldson…

And Marry YourSelf First!

A while back, Tim Ferriss, author of The Four Hour Work Week (great book, by the way!), posted “The Top 10 Stats To Know: You Are Not Alone” on his blog.

I thought I’d share it with you, along with a few of my personal insights and comments.

1.   63% of all employees want to work less, up from 46% in 1992.

This does NOT mean that we’re getting lazier…at least not necessarily. It means that we need more time off…keep reading.

2.   26% of adult Americans report being on the verge of a serious nervous breakdown.

Are you kidding? No wonder Xanax sales are so high. Anyone think that maybe, just maybe, some good old-fashioned (or even new high tech) stress management might be beneficial?

3.   40% of workers describe their office environment as “most like a real-life survivor program.”

Great…people now get to be traumatized at work. Since this is the place we spend the most time at away from home, doesn’t it make sense that it should be a “user friendly” place?

4.   Only 14% of Americans take two weeks or more at a time for vacation. The average American therefore spends more time in the bathroom than on vacation.

Great comparison, but it means we’re all becoming boring. Wikipedia reminds you, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy is a proverb. It means that without time off from work, a person becomes both bored and boring.” Yes, that would be us, here in the U.S.

5.   61% of Americans check email while on vacation.

Not a cardinal sin, but what would happen if we took a total break…totally vacated?

6.   53% of employees would opt for a personal assistant rather than personal trainer.

Amazing…our workloads are becoming so unmanageable that we would put that in front of our health. Yes, we are “heart attacks waiting to happen” as the saying goes.

7.   62% of workers routinely end the day with work-related neck pain, 44% report strained eyes, 38% complain of hand pain, and 34% report difficulty in sleeping due to work-related stress.

The body will speak to us in no uncertain terms. If something is wrong, bad or significantly out of balance, our body lets us know. The sad part is that most people don’t listen.

8.   88% of employees say they have a hard time juggling work and life.

Yes, this would almost be a “duh” comment, but when you combine it with all the other stats, it’s very unsettling.

9.   70% of working fathers and working mothers report they don’t have enough time for their children.

Not only does that disrupt the family system and quite possibly activate some “acting out” by the children, but it also creates a role model that will be created over and over in future generations until someone gets smart and insightful and changes their values and priorities.

10.  In 2005, a psychiatrist at King’s College in London administered IQ tests to three groups: the first did nothing but perform the IQ test, the second was distracted by e-mail and ringing phones, and the third was stoned on marijuana. Not surprisingly, the first group did better than the other two by an average of 10 points. The e-mailers, on the other hand, did worse than the stoners by an average of 6 points.

Besides the giggle and smirk you get from reading this, understand too just how energy draining it is to be in that environment all day. Most people have no idea it is really affecting them.

Do you?

Read more from Ken Donaldson…

Marry YourSelf First!

Check out this mouthful: The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Office of Applied Studies released the highlights from their 2009 report.

(Did you get all that?)

Overall they shared that in 2009 there were approximately 45.1 million adults (aged 18 or older) in the U.S. with a diagnosable mental condition. This represents about 20% of all adults in this country.

That includes everything from paranoid type schizophrenia chronic state with acute exacerbation to adjustment disorder with mixed emotional features, as well as all points in-between.

That means, more or less, one out of every five people struggle with some type of diagnosable mental condition.

That’s a lot of people…yes?

In fact, that would make mental disorders the most common of all medical disorders and conditions in the U.S.

And, among adults (again, aged 18 or older) in 2009, the percentage having a “serious mental condition” was about 5% which is about 11.0 million adults.

How do you define “serious mental condition”?

It would include some or all of the following symptoms:
•    Distorted perceptions; loss of contact with reality, such as delusions or hallucinations.
•    Disordered, disorganized and confused thinking.
•    Unstable and inappropriate emotions.
•    Bizarre behavior.
•    Severely impaired judgment.

Additionally, these serious mental conditions also would include:
•    High vulnerability to stress.
•    Extreme dependency.
•    Extreme hostility.
•    Extreme difficulty with interpersonal relationships.
•    Deficient or non-existent coping skills.
•    Poor ability to learn and fear of new situations.
•    Severely restricted emotional response and overall lack of enjoyment.
•    Reduced/impaired speech and inability to engage in abstract thinking.
•    Inability to pay attention, as well as overall “slowness.”
•    Apathy, lack of motivation and phobic avoidance of situations.
•    Sensitivity to over- (and under-) stimulation.

Wow…that’s quite a list!

But don’t worry, there’s ONLY about 11 million who have a serious mental condition.

But let’s go on with the report.

Adult women were more likely than adult men to have any mental condition (23.8% vs. 15.6%) or serious mental condition (6.4% vs. 3.2%) in 2009.

(So, if you’re a woman and you’re reading this you might want to take some extra steps to protect yourself.)

Additionally, about 8.4 million adults (3.7%) had serious thoughts about suicide in the past year. Among these, about 2.2 million (1.0%) made suicide plans in the past year, and 1.0 million (0.5%) attempted suicide in the past year.

(Don’t take it lightly…if someone you know talks about suicide, contact a professional.)

Also, among the 45.1 million adults with a mental condition in 2009, just about 20% (8.9 million) met criteria for substance dependence or abuse in that period compared with “only” 6.5% (11.9 million) among those who did not have mental illness in the past year.

When substance abuse is mixed with a mental condition, it results in what is commonly referred to as “double trouble” which means that these two destructive forces collide with each other, dramatically amplifying the negative consequences.

Now here’s where the report gets really interesting.

Among the 45.1 million adults with a mental condition in 2009, only 17.1 million (37.9%) received mental health services in the past year.

Wow…far less than half received treatment! How come?

No insurance? Maybe.

Inadequate insurance (No mental health coverage)? Probably.

Didn’t know they needed help (Denial)? Perhaps.

Didn’t want to admit they needed help (Ego)? Definitely.

Didn’t know where to go or what to ask for (Societal ignorance)? Absolutely.

(Bottom-line: We’re too ignorant, too ill-equipped and too egotistical to go for help.)

Furthermore, in 2009 there were 2 million youths (those between 12 and 17), or 8.1% of the adolescent population, who had a major depressive episode during the past year.

(That is ONLY major depression and does NOT cover any other mental conditions.)

Of these 2 million youths who experienced a major depressive episode, 35.7% used illicit drugs in the past year compared with 18% among those youths who did not have a major depressive episode in the last year.

(Once again, double trouble.)

SO…what do we do with all this and what conclusions can be drawn?

First, it’s clear that there is a lack of mental wellness and mental health education in our mainstream.

Think of the difference in these numbers if we taught kids, beginning at an early age, how to better cope with life and the stressors thereof.

Stress management, assertiveness training, healthy boundary setting and values clarification are just a few of the many topics that could be (and should be!) included in the regular curriculum for every child.

(How about “leaving no child behind” with that?!!)

Second, why do we still treat mental health issues separately from other health issues?

Mental health deserves the same dignity, rights and treatment as any other medical condition.

Third, why do SO many doctors not have a clue how to properly treat their patients (i.e. about 90% of people prescribed anti-depressants are never prescribed therapy to go with it…hello??)?

Maybe there could be much more focus put on the doctor-patient relationship, rather than the doctor-insurance company relationship.

And fourth, when are we going to wake up and treat ourselves more holistically, instead of thinking that our heads are not connected to our bodies?

And, fifth, what would happen if we starting thinking more more mental wellness?

Just a few things to think about…just asking…

More from Ken Donaldson….

And Marry YourSelf First!

Sad, mad, scared, ashamed…who wants to be the first to talk about these feelings?

No hands went up and there were no volunteers…how come?

Is it because the idea of you actually controlling emotions seems too challenging?

Or perhaps you were brought up in an “emotionally detached” environment and emotional expression just feels too weird or uncomfortable.

But when the question is asked “how to control your emotions” every few people seem to have answers.

In fact, most people run when they hear questions about emotions or the mere conversation about emotions.

That is, of course, unless these same people are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, then for some strange reason they often get instantaneously comfortable, confident and courageous about expressing themselves and their emotions.

But that doesn’t really count, does it?

In fact, that may be one BIG reason why there is a huge drug and alcohol problem: People can only deal with their emotions while under the influence.

Sad, isn’t it?!!

Look at the following list of emotions and see what you feel when you read them:

• Joy    
• Sadness
• Trust
• Disgust
• Fear  
• Anger
• Surprise      
• Anticipation

Which feel the most comfortable?

And which feel the least comfortable?

Any idea why?

Most people are more at ease with “joy” or it’s close relative “happiness” than most of the others…why?

Some people aren’t even comfortable with these lighter and happier emotions.

When asking “why” it seems to be so challenging to express emotions, here are some things to consider:

1.) We are not typically taught much of anything about emotions. We have no classes and very little, if any, curriculum in mainstream education about emotions and the expression thereof. Therefore, we are all, by default, rather emotionally dumb.

2.) Many people are brought up in environments which had excessive emotions in one direction or another and because of this, these people often associate emotions as being dangerous, inappropriate or as an “out of control” experience. Therefore, there is conditioned response, much like a reflex, to avoid the emotions.

3.) Much of what is portrayed about emotions through various media outlets (TV, movies, books, etc.) is extremely distorted…Do you really want to have “The Simpsons” as your emotional role model? This adds to both the conditioned emotional avoidance response and low emotional intelligence.

The end result is that most people have very little, if any, solid foundation to explore or express emotions.

You could say that we’ve become rather emotionally ignorant.

So here’s the next question: How can you create better emotional health, more emotional connection and healthy resources to better control your emotions?

Here’s the simple answer: Make all your emotions okay.

Easier said than done, right?

Start by making a new rule: All your emotions are okay…no good ones and no bad ones, they are just all okay.

After all, (now get ready to hear this!!) they are ONLY emotions.

That’s right…ONLY emotions.

They don’t really mean anything.

BUT, people often attach a HUGE meaning to them and that’s what makes them so challenging.

When you get to the place where you can simply observe emotions, whether they are yours or others, you’ll find that without the meaning attached (which is usually a negative distortion), the emotion itself has very little charge to it.

AND ponder this: If you could, by some kind of act of modern science, bring “Younger You” into the present, what would you say to Younger You about all those emotions?

Probably that all emotions are all okay, normal and healthy, and that emotional expression is especially okay…right?!!

Then perhaps you could practice just that: Imagine having one of these imaginary conversations with Younger You…a “corrective conversation” that would give Younger You permission to have and express any and all emotions.

And the value of this? Your subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference (in most cases) between what’s real and what’s imagined. Therefore when you use your imagination to your benefit (like in this simple practice) you actually leave a new, and positive, impression in the subconscious.

It’s like planting new seeds in your garden and these are the seeds of how you want things to be.

Take good care of these new seeds (“water the seeds” frequently) by spending a couple minutes each day with these new imagery exercises.

You’ll begin to change your reactions from the inside-out.

Work with all types of emotions, include them all, and make sure you include the love emotions…many people received many mixed messages here.

Improve your emotional intelligence and you’ll find all areas of your life improving.

And Marry YourSelf First!

Read more from Ken Donaldson…

• What are some of the primary causes that often are the foundation for obesity, addiction and eating disorders?
• How does someone who is overweight or obese get help, stop eating obsessively and really lose the weight?
• What are the best ways to prevent these afflictions from happening, since they are so difficult to correct?
• So much government funding, healthcare dollars, and other monies are poured into solving these crises, yet we seem to be making no progress. What can be done?
• What can parents, friends and family do to help their children get support and sustained recovery?
• How does “stress” play a role in driving obesity and eating disorders? (Stress from school, work, dysfunctional families, and violence on television and in media.)
• How does one overcome food addiction and “emotional” eating?
• What should one do when hit with an “emotional” craving for food that the body does not need?
• What can we do to nurture ourselves, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually?
• Why is preventing childhood obesity such an important health issue in our society? What are the risks of being overweight from a young age?
• What is the food and beverage industry doing to help or hinder the issues related to obesity?
• What is the best advice we can give parents who are, perhaps, in crisis over these problems?

Get answers: Join me on Thurs. Sept. 30 9 p.m. EST:

Celebrate Recovery from Childhood Obesity, Adult Obesity and Eating Disorders

Read more from Ken Donaldson…

The Daily Illuminating Dozen:

1. How many smiles did you cause today?

2. How many times, regardless of the fear, apprehension or discomfort, did you say “Yes!” to a bigger opportunity today?

3. How many times today did you ignore things (and people) that you may have normally (and probably irrationally) reacted to in the past?

4. How many times did you connect with the people you love today?

5. How many times did you encourage someone else (who really needed it) today?

6. How many times did you practice good self care (including doing nothing at all) today?

7. How many times did you eat healthy today?

8. How many times did you drink pure, fresh water today (even if you didn’t feel like it)?

9. How many times did you give anonymously (time, energy, talents and money) today?

10. How many people did you educate to help them improve their situation today?

11. How many times did you say something positive to yourself about yourself today?

12. How many unconditional hugs did you share today?

Leave your comments below…

Marry Your Self First!

The editorial team from Forbes.com, the online version of the Forbes magazine, is well known for their Top Ten lists. They recently released their Top Ten Most Stressed-Out Cities with Las Vegas being number one, followed by Los Angeles and Houston.

And what major metropolitan area is number 4? Tampa Bay! Check it out here.

Their criteria to determine these “most stressed-out cities” includes the following: High unemployment, long commute times, long work hours, limited access to health care, poor physical health and a lack of exercise.

Overall, here are the individual categories of stressors and their corresponding rankings for Tampa:

High Unemployment Rank: #5 in the U.S.

Long Commute Times Rank: #17 in the U.S.

Long Working Hours Rank: #10 in the U.S.

Limited Health Care Rank: #13 in the U.S.

Poor Physical Health Rank: #4 in the U.S.

Limited Exercise Rank: #9 in the U.S.

So, does that mean you should move? NO!

Now hear this: “Leaving the situation usually isn’t the best way to create a solution. Part of the problem is denial, which simply means that ‘you don’t know what you don’t know’.”

The path to breaking through denial is first having an awareness of these issues. If you’re not aware, you won’t change anything. Furthermore, to create less stress (and, therefore, more success), the following is also suggested:

• Most stress is lifestyle created. Regardless of how much we hear, read and see about diet and exercise, most people are still not placing a high enough value on their health.
  
• Setting boundaries with yourself, creating goals and having an accountability partner are all necessary components to creating a more stress free life.
  
• Having a good sense of humor, getting outside and connecting with nature on a regular basis, moving your body and developing a positive social network are other valuable components to decreasing stress.
  
• When we’re reminded, we are more likely to take action. Use your day-timer, your calendar or computer software to schedule in stress reducing activities.

Click here to receive your complimentary “create less stress and more success” portable workshop. This 60 minute audio is yours free just by signing up for it.

Additionally, if you can’t get the work life balance you desire, consider hiring a professional coach or therapist. It’s great investment for your health, wealth and happiness!

What do YOU think? Leave a comment below.

Pssstttt: Today is a great day to Marry YourSelf First!

(This is written for men, but ladies, feel free to read it as well.)

I see men every week in my practice who struggle with anxiety. And I know there are millions who are also suffering unnecessarily because they don’t understand what’s going on with them or are too resistant to seek out help. I too have struggled with this dreaded and unpredictable angst and I know the effects first hand both on me as a person, and as a man.

For too long we have wrestled with the stigmas of mental health issues and all the varied diagnosis. Many of us have taken on beliefs that “we’re showing our weakness if we have to ask for help.”

Nothing could be further from the truth.

It takes courage and strength to ask for help and commit to overcome anxiety. And for what it’s worth, there are, and have been, many other men who’ve wrestled with the same demons of anxiety. And many who have overcome.

Here’s a few you’ve probably heard of:

1. Abraham Lincoln – President
2. Al Kasha – Songwriter
3. Alfred Lord Tennyson – Poet
4. Anthony Hopkins – Actor
5. Burt Reynolds – Actor
6. Charles Schultz – Cartoonist
7. Dave Stewart – Singer of Eurythmics
8. David Bowie – Singer
9. Dean Cain – Actor
10. Dick Clark – Television Personality
11. Donny Osmond – Singer/Actor
12. Earl Campbell -Heisman  Trophy Winner
13. Edvard Munch – Artist
14. Eric Clapton – Musician
15. Howard Stern – “King of Media”
16. Howie Mandel – Comic
17. Isaac Asimov – Author
18. James Garner – Actor
19. Jim Eisenreich – Baseball
20. John Candy – Comedian
21. John Cougar Mellencamp – Musician/Actor
22. John Madden – Sports Announcer
23. John Steinbeck – Author
24. John Stuart Mill – Philosopher
25. Johnny Depp – Actor
26. Michael Crichton – Writer
27. Michael English – Gospel Artist
28. Michael Jackson-  Singer
29. Nicholas Cage-  Actor
30. Nikola Tesla – Inventor
31. Pete Harnisch – Baseball
32. Ray Charles – Musician
33. Robert Burns – Poet
34. Robert McFarlane – Former U.S. National Security Advisor
35. Sam Shepard – Playwright
36. Sigmund Freud – Psychiatrist
37. Sir Isaac Newton – Scientist
38. Sir Laurence Olivier – Actor
39. Tom Snyder – Host
40. Tony Dow – Actor, Director
41. W.B. Yeats – Poet
42. Willard Scott – Weatherman

The REALLY good news is that there is effective treatment for anxiety and quite frankly, it’s one of the simplest issues to address and correct.

But here are some rather alarming statistics about anxiety:

• Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older (18.1% of U.S. population).

• Anxiety disorders cost the U.S. more than $42 billion a year, almost one-third of the country’s $148 billion total mental health bill.

• More than $22.84 billion of those costs are associated with the repeated use of health care services; people with anxiety disorders seek relief for symptoms that mimic physical illnesses.

• People with an anxiety disorder are three to five times more likely to go to the doctor and six times more likely to be hospitalized for psychiatric disorders than those who do not suffer from anxiety disorders.

(~The Anxiety Disorders Association of America)

Whether you’re male or female, you don’t have to suffer.

But guys, let go of the machismo and ask for help. You’ll be happier than ever that you did.

And you’ll join the long list of other men who have done the same.

Call me…let’s get started today..(727) 394-7325

Marry YourSelf First!…Today and every day!

“Life is full of risks anyway, why not take them?”

Lindsay Lohan is in the news again and besides the obvious and disturbing chain of events that she has imposed upon herself, this does make for an interesting case study about mental health, addiction and overall life balance.

Lindsay has had a couple of arrests and has been in and out of treatment for her mental health and substance abuse issues. One may think that someone who has this potential as a movie star would make choices to “clean up” their life.

Not that she has been the first “star” to succumb to drugs and alcohol.

In fact, it happens every day.

We every day people just don’t always hear about it.

But what are the big lessons here? What can we all learn from this (including Lindsay, hopefully!)?

1.) Drug and alcohol misuse, abuse and addiction are still alive and well. In spite of there being less news about these trends, they are still progressing in an expanding direction. For example, the prescription pain-killer epidemic is like the heroin craze from the 60s and 70s.

2.) Denial is king when it comes to addiction. Denial has many different variations. Minimizing, justifying, rationalizing, blaming others and intellectualizing are just a few of the different variations. The bottom-line is that denial is the #1 most common and powerful characteristic of any and all addictive behavior.

3.) Sometimes it’s not just addiction. There have been numerous reports that Lindsay is also suffering from clinical depression or bi-polar disorder. We’ll probably never know as that information is kept confidential. Nor do we need to know.

But here’s something to consider: People often turn to drugs and alcohol as an attempt to self-medicate themselves from ailments like depression, anxiety, panic and unresolved trauma. This is commonly referred to as “double trouble” as the combination of any of these emotional conditions with drugs or alcohol creates a negative synergistic result that can be deadly.

4.)  Don’t expect help to come knocking at your door. Usually the only time we really hear about drug and alcohol problems is when a celebrity has a problem and the media picks it up and reports on it. We are, in general, poorly equipped to know what to do with addiction. Additionally, and this is a bit of a kicker, many people are in denial about denial. People just don’t want to know and, therefore, don’t know what to do when the problem shows up in their friends, family or in themselves.

The good news is that recovery is not only possible, it’s actually quite simple.

However, don’t confuse simple with easy.

It’s not “easy” to break the addictive patterns of drugs and alcohol. The addictive energy is very powerful and will “fight” to stay alive. The people of Alcoholics Anonymous refer to this energy as “cunning, powerful and baffling.”

Here are the foundational, and simple, pieces to healthy and successful recovery from addiction, as well as the path to the best mental health:

• The Beatles said it best: I get by with a little help from my friends. Your support system is where you can go to talk about you and your challenges. They will hold you, hug you and love you, AND they will kick you in the butt when you need it. If you don’t have a solid support system, today is a good day to start.
• Balance: Know when your life is in balance and know when it’s out. Know the indicators.
• Boundaries: Create solid boundaries with others and with yourself. Boundaries are the core to a balanced life.  Know what to say “Yes” to and know what to say “No” to.
• Bliss: Know your life purpose and be passionate about it. Find and live your bliss in life.

Yes, Lindsay Lohan is in a tough situation. And let’s hope she gets it together.  More importantly, YOU have a chance now to review your life, make adjustments and make sure you create an “anti-addiction” life and the best mental health possible.

And, of course, you’ll create maximum life balance too.

Today is a good day to Marry YourSelf First!

More from Ken Donaldson here…

“Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished.  If you’re alive, it isn’t.”

Every day I hear people asking me this question, “Why am I so messed up?”

They don’t always say just exactly those words, although sometimes they do, but they say something similar and definitely with the same meaning.

So, why are WE so messed up?

The good news is that it all comes down to two things:

1.)   We don’t know what to do.

2.)   We just don’t do what we know to do.

Nice to know it’s that simple, right?!!

Let’s look at the first, the “We don’t know what to do” syndrome.

Why would you know what to do?…who taught you?…where did you learn from?

See, most people have extreme emotional and relational deficits. Unless you went to some very, very non-mainstream school, you never had classes that taught you any of this. And because very few people really learned the art of handling emotions and relationships effectively, then it only makes sense that they would pass their deficits on to their children.

So it’s easy to see and understand the “We don’t know what to do” syndrome.

Which brings us to number two: We just don’t do what we know to do.

This is the real kicker and here’s why: There are so many resources today to help people improve their lives. And much of it is absolutely free. Go to YouTube and you will find hours and hours of free, good coaching and education on emotional and relationship management. All free!

Do a Google search and you’ll find websites, blogs and forums that you can participate in and have ongoing conversations to seek out answers to all your challenges.

And if you’re willing to invest a few bucks in yourself, you can invest in books or audio and video programs that will bring the experts right into your home or office.

And if you want to go full out, then you can actually hire a professional coach or counselor to give you the 1:1 guidance you want to improve your life and relationships.

But everyone probably knows all this and they still just don’t do what they know to do.

Why?

It can only be one of a very few things:

1.)   Denial: “I don’t have any issues…really.”

2.)   Minimization: “It’s not that big of a deal.” (Which is a form of denial.)

3.)   Cynicism and blame: “Sure, I’ll change when she changes.”

4.)   Stupidity: “Duh.” (This doesn’t actually exist; some people just pretend that it does.)

So the REAL question is this: How badly do you want to improve your life?

Or maybe this one: How much pain, heartache, misery or depression do you want to endure in your life?

Yes, challenges are definitely part of life, but pain, heartache, misery and depression are all optional.

But it all comes back to you.

YOU have to choose to want a better life.

YOU have to choose to want better relationships.

YOU have to choose to want a better career path.

YOU have to choose to want better health.

YOU have to choose to want a better spiritual connection.

YOU have to choose to want better friends.

YOU have to choose to want a better you.

The really good news is that YOU are in total control of all that.

The next question is: When will you start?

If you want to be a victor, you must release being a victim!

“I say, if your knees aren’t green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.”  ~Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes

Marry YourSelf First!…Today!