Coach Ken Donaldson and The State of Relationship Affairs
I saw a report that said a man used a shared computer to log onto his wife’s e-mail account and discovered she was cheating. (I’m quite sure this isn’t the first time that this has happened…neither the cheating nor the snooping).
Evidently this guy has now been charged with felony computer misuse and faces five years in prison…Wow!! Do we really clutter our courtrooms with these ridiculous over-sensationalized relationship dysfunctions?
Really?!!
It is right or wrong for this guy to be charged (and maybe go to jail)?
Maybe that’s NOT the bigger issue.
There is something HUGE here on a more global level…it’s called “relationship intelligence” and there is a huge deficit of it in the world today.
If one of the people in a relationship has to snoop to find out what’s really going on, what does that say?
It suggests that there is a severe lack of openness and honesty (for starters).
How did it get this way?
When cases like this are brought into the light, it’s a great opportunity to look at the state of relationships in general.
When it comes to relationship intelligence, we have a failing grade.
Start with this: In mainstream education we don’t teach our kids anything about relationship skills, communication skills or how to deal with conflict, and many of us have had “less than desirable” role models growing up.
Boundaries, values and integrity…anyone have those classes?
Maybe we should let TV, movies and books with fictional stories teach us these things…right?
How about commitment, dedication and loyalty…maybe we should let these necessary dynamics of successful relationship occur by osmosis!
Getting back to the story, what do we really expect?
Openness and honesty?
No! Why should we? We’re surrounded by numerous drama-filled stories of deceit, deception and dishonesty that fill our airwaves, cable news headlines and newspapers every day.
And this case is just one of thousands of highly dysfunctional relationship situations that are occurring all the time.
As off the wall and odd as it may sound, how about we use these publicized relationship breakdowns as springboards to change things, rather than just sensational news items that become role models for future relationships?
I’m just asking…
What do you think? Feel free to leave a comment or two below.
Marry YourSelf First!
Coach Ken Donaldson: Healthy, Happy and Lasting Relationship Secrets Uncovered
Whether you’re single, in a relationship or perhaps coming out of a relationship, it’s always good to know the primary relationship building blocks…right?!!
Over the years, I’ve had the opportunity to work with and/or interview thousands of people and ask them about their relationships.
I’ve noticed some trends in the happier, healthier and longer lasting relationships: The individuals in those relationships have some very clear traits and behaviors that separated them from the rest.
Want to know what they are?
Here you go:
The 12 Steps to Proactively Creating a Divorce-Proof Marriage
1.) Know yourself, trust yourself and like yourself first!
• Define your Life Purpose
• Discern and live by your Values and Priorities
• Create your Life Vision and Life Mission Statement
• Develop a Legacy that will live forever
2.) Create a Balanced Lifestyle
• Set Boundaries and eliminate energy drains
• Create a proactive Self Maintenance program
• Evaluate and Inventory your lifestyle weekly
3.) Surround yourself with Supportive Networks and Communities
• Seek out like-minded and like-valued people
• Create Accountability agreements with others
• Avoid negative situations and environments
4.) Know your Requirements and Needs
• Create and live by your “Deal Makers” and “Deal Breakers”
• Make direct requests to get your needs met
• Always be true to yourself
5.) Take your work in life seriously, but take life lightly
• Practice being flexible, fluid, and accepting
• Avoid trying to “push the river”
• Express your passion in life with the utmost of passion
6.) Understand the healthy romantic relationship developmental process
• Create the criteria for your Life Partner
• Develop “Screening” and “Testing” strategies
• Use your support system for feedback and input
7.) Define your personal Spirituality
• Discover and walk your Spiritual Path
• Practice daily acts to activate your “Highest Self”
• Accept life on life’s terms
8.) Be perfectly imperfect
• Know your character challenges and work to strengthen those areas
• Accept all your errors, mis-takes and failures
• Practice non-judgment of yourself and all others
9.) Live from Abundance
• Practice daily acts of ‘Random Kindness”
• Develop a “Pay it Forward” system in your life
• Create an affirming, fear-less inner dialogue
10.) Be an Excellent Communicator
• Practice Active Listening as often as possible
• Commit to creating a “Win-Win” outcome with others
• Learn to process emotions, conflict and disagreements
11.) Get out of your comfort zone
• Learn to accept all your uncomfortable feelings and emotions
• Practice deliberate daily acts of new behavior
• Celebrate discomfort as healthy growth and development
12.) Consciously Breathe and Smile
• Learn to be Silly (use a clown nose if you need too!!)
• Develop Breathing Exercises to enhance your Mind, Body, Heart and Soul
• Smile until you are happy
And if you like this, you’re going to love the workshop this Saturday:
Love YourSelf Before You Love Again
Saturday, November 13th, 9 A.M. – 5 P.M.
Cost: $27 if prepaid, $37 at the door (and includes lunch!!)
FAMILY RESOURCES
5180 62nd Avenue North
Pinellas Park, FL 33781.
CLICK HERE TO REGISTER OR CALL 866.600.6064.
Ken Donaldson: Love YourSelf and The Solo Dancer
I’ve been readily preparing for the Love YourSelf Before You Love Again workshop (Saturday, November 13th, 9 A.M. – 5 P.M. ) and as I was going through some old notes, I came across this poem and thought I’d share it with you.
The poem speaks of the essence of being a successful and happy single person, while also being ready for a relationship, which is the whole point of the workshop: Assisting you to be happier in your life and better prepared for future relationships!
Here it is…
Solo Dancer
I am the solo dancer you see there all alone
I dance my dance of passion; I always feel at home
I found some simple secrets in this here solo dance
I know I got to love my Heart to create some true romance
I embrace my solo dance as I dance my rhythm and rhyme
I dance not to another’s step but only to what is mine
Yes I am the solo dancer you see there all alone
All one am I in life now; yes, the little child has grown
I see the toxic places; I know where not to dance
I’ve learned about my boundaries and that old addictive trance
I embrace my every value, yes, I dance my unique step
And if another joins me my values must be kept
Yes, I am the solo dancer you see there all alone
I dance my dance of passion; I always feel at home
I’m proud, I say, of my solo dance; I jump and twirl in bliss
I’m living in my passion and each day I’ll not remiss
Ken “Keni Lee” Donaldson
I hope to see you on the 13th…you and your friends.
Click Here!
I’m putting together a great program…you can see a little sneak preview on Monday morning , as I’ll be a guest on Studio 10.tv.
Today is a GREAT DAY to Marry YourSelf First!
Ken Donaldson: My Best Life and Relationship Advice…
Published 3 hours ago
Relationship Coach Ken Donaldson (that’s me!!) with some relationship advice on relationship issues, like good communication tips, boundaries, self esteem, Marry YourSelf First, stress management and an assortment of other helpful tips and guidance to improve your life and your relationships!
Marry YourSelf First!
Ken Donaldson and The A-Z of Happy, Healthy and Harmonious Relationships
Here’s a great cheat sheet for your relational intelligence.
• Assertiveness: Say what you mean, mean what you say, and never say it mean.
• Boundaries: With yourself first; then others… ”No” is a complete sentence.
• Communication: Still one of the cornerstones of healthy relationships (See Assertiveness).
• Deal Makers/Deal Breakers: Say “Yes” to your Yes’ and “No” to your No’s.
• Emotional Management: Feel them; Heal them; Deal with them…then move on.
• Focus-Fear-Faith: Do you focus on fear or faith?…your choice.
• God: Is there a spiritual conversation here?
• Humor: Wear a clown nose before every fight …it’ll eliminate most of them.
• Integrity: Be whole, open, honest and forthright.
• Jealousy: Just in case it shows up, know how to deal with it (and any other yucky dynamics too).
• Ken on Call: Always have a coach/counselor you can rely on.
• Logs on the Fire: Keep the passion growing and growing…don’t let the fire go out…ever!
• Most Important: The most important thing is the most important thing…priorities 101.
• NO Blame, Shame or Games!: See integrity.
• Openness: The gateway to the Heart has to be open to let the Love in.
• Purpose: What is the purpose of this relationship? Make it bigger than the two of you.
• Questions: Ask in the direction of the solution, not in the direction of the problem.
• Rituals: Daily, positive, growth-enhancing and fun …got it?!!
• Support Networks: Where/who do you go to for yours? We all need support.
• Tongue-Foo Fighting: Know how to be the bull-fighter of tongue-foo and arguments go away real fast and in a real loving way.
• Understanding: “Do you understand me?” If not, then listen more and deeper.
• Validation: We all want this and it’s often withheld or overlooked…give it away generously!
• Work-Life Balance: See Boundaries and Deal-Makers/Deal Breakers.
• X(Ex)Relationship Baggage: Live in the present not the past…see Ken on Call if you can’t do this.
• Yesterday-Today-Tomorrow: Where do you live… live your best today in today.
• Zealousness: Not too much, not too little, just right in the middle.
And Marry YourSelf First!
Marry YourSelf First! Audio
Marry YourSelf First is now available on audio! Click here to learn more
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