After thousands of single people in my 25 years of experience, my core message is always the same: Get clear with yourself first…know yourself, trust yourself, believe in yourself and love yourself. Do this and you’ll be much happier and healthier, whether you’re in a relationship or not.

Not exactly what everyone wants to hear as we live in what’s commonly called “the microwave relationship era.”

Everyone seems to want the immediate life partnership without doing the inside work on themselves first. They think if they get ‘The’ relationship, then everything else will fall into place.

That’s usually the beginning of the end.

Then, to make things maybe even more confusing, add into the mix some interesting reports from the highly esteemed Forbes and Kiplinger.

What do Forbes and Kiplinger know about singlehood and relationships? According to them, apparently, quite a bit.

New York, Boston, Chicago, Seattle and Washington, D.C. are the top 5 kingpins of the best cities to be single, according to Forbes.com. And if you happen to live in Tampa-St. Petersburg, it doesn’t look so good as you’re near the rear of the pack at #33 out of 40 cities evaluated.

But wait a minute; Kiplinger.com says that Albuquerque, Atlanta, Austin, The Twin Cities of St. Paul-Minneapolis and Nashville are the top five “Smart” cities for singles!

Confused? You should be!

And how did Forbes and Kiplinger come up with these results?

Forbes apparently actually did some research: “To determine the best city for singles, we ranked 40 of the largest continental U.S. metropolitan statistical areas in seven different categories: coolness, cost of living alone, culture, job growth, online dating, nightlife and number of singles.”

Impressive, but what about Kiplinger? Not sure. Seems like maybe it was much more subjective (“Hey guys, what cities do you think are the ‘smartest’ for single people?”).

And going back to Forbes, what is this “coolness” factor. Sounds cool enough but how do they measure the cool factor of a city?

Here’s what they said: “To determine coolness, market research company Harris Interactive conducted a poll in July 2009 of adults from across the U.S., each of whom was asked, ‘Among the following U.S. cities, which one do you think is the coolest?’ Data were provided by Harris Interactive.”

Hmmmm…does one person’s coolness differ from another? Most likely.

But if you’re single, before you quit your job, sell your house and move north or west, you might want to consider some other much more important factors.

Let’s start by asking a simple question: “What’s your biggest dating challenge?”

Here are a few of the more common responses:

• “I’m uncomfortable approaching someone…what if they say ‘No’?”
  
• “I don’t know how to tell someone that I’m not interested…I have difficulty saying ‘No’ and I’m afraid I’ll hurt their feelings.”
  
• “I feel like my expectations are too high and unrealistic, but then I always end up with people who are well below the standards I set.”

Using the Forbes formula of “coolness, cost of living alone, culture, job growth, online dating, nightlife and number of singles” will not make singles who are struggling with these issues any more successful in their relationships.

It is truly what is in your heart, what you know and how you feel about yourself, and a few basic skill sets that will really make your relationships work.

Here’s the “not so secret” formula: Being a ‘successful single’ is, first and foremost, an inside job. First, you must know and live according to your values. Then, you must understand and adhere to your relationship ‘deal-makers’, ‘deal-breakers’ and compatibility needs. And finally, it helps dramatically if you commit to a balanced and healthy lifestyle, which includes a powerful and active support network. Do all this and you have a far higher likelihood of being relationally successful…regardless of where you live!

Because it is the inside of a person that makes the relationship, NOT the outer influences.

The month of February has been proclaimed as International Relationship Month and Valentine’s Day has been declared as International Singles Day.

If you take your time, watch, listen and probe, you will see who people really are. You must FIRST, however, know who YOU are. Follow the parameters or boundaries you set AND keep them and you will dramatically increase the likelihood of finding a healthy relationship connection. Remember, as Shakespeare said, ‘Above all else, to Thine own self be true!’

Visit www.TheSingleValentine.com for more information about the Free “Single and Lovin’ It Valentine” Webinar on Monday, February 14th at 9 p.m. EST.

Read more about Ken Donaldson here…

Over the years, I’ve had the opportunity to work with and/or interview thousands of people and ask them about their relationships.

I’ve noticed some trends in the happier, healthier and longer lasting relationships: The individuals in those relationships have some very clear traits and behaviors that separated them from the rest.

Want to know what they are?

Here you go:

The 12 Steps to Proactively Creating a Divorce-Proof Marriage

1.) Know yourself, trust yourself and like yourself first!

• Define your Life Purpose

• Discern and live by your Values and Priorities

• Create your Life Vision and Life Mission Statement

• Develop a Legacy that will live forever

2.) Create a Balanced Lifestyle

• Set Boundaries and eliminate energy drains

• Create a proactive Self Maintenance program

• Evaluate and Inventory your lifestyle weekly

3.) Surround yourself with Supportive Networks and Communities

• Seek out like-minded and like-valued people

• Create Accountability agreements with others

• Avoid negative situations and environments

4.) Know your Requirements and Needs

• Create and live by your “Deal Makers” and “Deal Breakers”

• Make direct requests to get your needs met

• Always be true to yourself

5.) Take your work in life seriously, but take life lightly

• Practice being flexible, fluid, and accepting

• Avoid trying to “push the river”

• Express your passion in life with the utmost of passion

6.) Understand the healthy romantic relationship developmental process

• Create the criteria for your Life Partner

• Develop “Screening” and “Testing” strategies

• Use your support system for feedback and input

7.) Define your personal Spirituality

• Discover and walk your Spiritual Path

• Practice daily acts to activate your “Highest Self”

• Accept life on life’s terms

8.) Be perfectly imperfect

• Know your character challenges and work to strengthen those areas

• Accept all your errors, mis-takes and failures

• Practice non-judgment of yourself and all others

9.) Live from Abundance

• Practice daily acts of ‘Random Kindness”

• Develop a “Pay it Forward” system in your life

• Create an affirming, fear-less inner dialogue

10.) Be an Excellent Communicator

 • Practice Active Listening as often as possible

• Commit to creating a “Win-Win” outcome with others

• Learn to process emotions, conflict and disagreements

 11.) Get out of your comfort zone

• Learn to accept all your uncomfortable feelings and emotions

• Practice deliberate daily acts of new behavior

• Celebrate discomfort as healthy growth and development

12.) Consciously Breathe and Smile

• Learn to be Silly (use a clown nose if you need too!!)

• Develop Breathing Exercises to enhance your Mind, Body, Heart and Soul

• Smile until you are happy

And if you like this, you’re going to love the workshop this Saturday:

Love YourSelf Before You Love Again

Saturday, November 13th, 9 A.M. – 5 P.M.

Cost: $27 if prepaid, $37 at the door (and includes lunch!!)

FAMILY RESOURCES
5180 62nd Avenue North
Pinellas Park, FL 33781.

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER OR CALL 866.600.6064.

Read more from Ken Donaldson…

I’ve been readily preparing for the Love YourSelf Before You Love Again workshop (Saturday, November 13th, 9 A.M. – 5 P.M. ) and as I was going through some old notes, I came across this poem and thought I’d share it with you.

The poem speaks of the essence of being a successful and happy single person, while also being ready for a relationship, which is the whole point of the workshop: Assisting you to be happier in your life and better prepared for future relationships!

Here it is…

Solo Dancer

I am the solo dancer you see there all alone
I dance my dance of passion; I always feel at home

I found some simple secrets in this here solo dance
I know I got to love my Heart to create some true romance

I embrace my solo dance as I dance my rhythm and rhyme
I dance not to another’s step but only to what is mine

Yes I am the solo dancer you see there all alone
All one am I in life now; yes, the little child has grown

I see the toxic places; I know where not to dance
I’ve learned about my boundaries and that old addictive trance

I embrace my every value, yes, I dance my unique step
And if another joins me my values must be kept

Yes, I am the solo dancer you see there all alone
I dance my dance of passion; I always feel at home

I’m proud, I say, of my solo dance; I jump and twirl in bliss
I’m living in my passion and each day I’ll not remiss

Ken “Keni Lee” Donaldson

I hope to see you on the 13th…you and your friends.
Click Here!

I’m putting together a great program…you can see a little sneak preview on Monday morning , as I’ll be a guest on Studio 10.tv.

Today is a GREAT DAY to Marry YourSelf First!

Read more from Ken Donaldson.

Want more passion, power, purpose and prosperity in your life? Here’s the official Ken Donaldson Marry YourSelf First!

#1 Allow your life purpose to be the flashlight to keep you on the pathway of your life.

#2 Create your vision and you’ll have the magnet that will pull you into your ultimate and utmost future.

#3 Allow your values and priorities to be the guides on your path that will keep you going in the direction of your purpose and your vision.

#4 Create and live your legacy today.

#5 Live by the Law of Attraction and put your focus, energy, emotions AND action toward what you truly desire in this lifetime.

#6 Give unconditionally and anonymously.

#7 Practice the daily rituals that evoke your unique spirituality and invite your True Essence and your Highest Self to shine.

#8 Know and live by your deal-makers and deal-breakers.

#9 Discern between accepting and settling. Accept what you cannot change, but never settle for anything below your standards.

#10 Live by your integrity, and allow yourself to be true to you first and foremost.

#11 Know, practice and learn from your boundaries (proactive and reactive, inner and outer), and by doing so you allow yourself to be in your power, in the present moment and in the highest degree of balance possible.

#12 Find and use the support networks that encourage your passion, power, purpose and prosperity, and invite your whole self to shine.

#13 Learn the communication strategies and tactics that will further empower you, reinforce your boundaries and fulfill all your needs.

#14 Understand and live in accordance with the relationship developmental process. In doing so you’ll have the closest relationships only with those who truly support, accept and encourage you.

#15 Always be willing to step out of your comfort zone to promote growth, change and unlimited possibility into your life.

#16 Commit to finalize all your unfinished business from the past and in doing so allow yourself to be present in the present.

#17 Separate “who you are” – your being – from “what you do” your doing – and choose to live more from your being state.

#18 Learn to go with the flow in life. Navigate through and around the challenging times and be focused on the journey, not the destination.

#19 Practice frequent silliness, deliberate breathing and conscious walking, all to give yourself the proactive medicine of health and well-being.

#20 Recognize, accept and embrace the perfect imperfection of you.

Any questions ( leave them below, as well as any comments you might have)?

Now…go live your life to the fullest…more passion…more power…more purpose…and more prosperity!

It’s time for YOU to get with the Marry YourSelf First! movement

You’ll have your chance this Wednesday (7/28) as I’ll be the guest on “The Ask Vera Show”

The Ask Vera Show is every 2nd and 4th Wednesday of the month. It’s a 30 minute free show focused on answering the toughest questions on relationship issues.

Vera will be grilling me with her most challenging relationship questions and you’re invited to do the same!

Come join us and tell your friends.

Call in number: 1 808 206-9730

Conference ID: 208018#

I hope to “see” you and your friends then and there!

Click here for all the details

Marry YourSelf First!

Below are the questions they posed to me and my “off the top of head” responses.

What other questions would be good to ask regarding break-ups and heart break? What might I be missing or overseeing? How else do you think I can help the heartbroken? What else do you think I can do to prevent future heartbreaking experiences?

Feel free to comment below.

1. What is the biggest challenge with people trying to overcome heartbreak?
Getting through the pain is the biggest challenge. Plain and simple. It sometimes feels like it’s going to last forever. Or that you’re forever scarred. Sometimes minutes seem like weeks and days seem like years. And then there’s also all the racing thoughts: Trying to figure it all out. “Why did this happen?” and “What did I do wrong?” are common, but the Mac-Daddy is “Why does this always happen to me?”The biggest challenge is staying out of the blame game and not feeling like a victim.

In other words, the biggest challenge is figuring out how to move on without resentment, guilt or shame. How to get back on your life-path and go forward with hope and optimism.

2. What is the best thing to do when you have had your heart broken?
Give yourself time…as much as you need. Talk about it with your friends if you need to and write about it if that helps. But more than anything else give it time.

Yes, time does heal all wounds, especially if you give yourself guilt-free, shame-free and resentment-free time.

Yes, it’s good to review and see what happened. See what you can learn for your future. See what you can glean from it to make your future relationships even better.

It’s also good to look at this as something that happened, not something that someone “did to you.”

Stay out of the victim role. Sometimes these things just happen and they don’t make any sense. They just happen.

3. Should you see your “ex”?
Yes…No…Maybe.

It all depends on a number of dynamics. If seeing your ex only makes you feel worse, then no. If the two of you fight or argue (maybe just like the “old days”), then no again.

But if the two of you can have a good conversation, or better yet, a healing conversation, then sure, go ahead and see each other. Can the two of you celebrate the wonderful times you spent together? Can you tell each other what you appreciate about each other? Can you, in a loving way, also share with each other what didn’t work, or what was unacceptable?

Perhaps you can even kindle a friendship from this. Give this all the time it needs and don’t try to rush it.

Remember that this may be a very vulnerable time and you may not be seeing things clearly if there is still a lot of emotion going on.

4. How should people who have separated but have children together behave around one another? What if one partner is mean to the other?
This is a very important element, perhaps even the most important. The children did not do anything to cause this, as this is between the two of you. So at least agree on one rule: Do NOT put the children in the middle nor use them as pawns.

At the very least, speak of each other in a neutral way. Try, however, to be complimentary of each other. And if you think you can hide feelings of anger or resentment from your kids, you’re mistaken. They’ll pick up on it, although they most likely will not say anything about it.

Allow the children to talk about their feelings, but also give them their space. Be respectful of them.

If one parent is mean, just make sure you don’t respond in the same way. Also, even though that would be a great opportunity to speak negatively about your ex, don’t do it. Again, at the very least, stay neutral.

If the kids want to talk about the other parent’s anger or meanness, allow them the safe space to do so.

If this is an ongoing dynamic, then bringing a professional counselor into the mix would be highly recommended.

5. How should you talk about your partner in front of your children?
Again, at least be neutral, and try your very best to be positive and complimentary.

6. What should people do as they recover from a broken heart?
This is a time for recovery and recovery takes many different paths for different people. Some depression is normal, although you don’t want to “feed” the depression. Sunshine, fresh air and gently moving the body are all good natural antidotes for this type of situational depression. Use your support system and surround yourself with compassionate and understanding people. Realize, however, that some people don’t know what to do or what to say, so sometimes they do or say things that can be counterproductive.

Music, dance and artwork are all forms of self-expression that can be very helpful in the healing process.

Joining a support group or a therapy group can also be beneficial.

But remember that recovery takes time and there is no hurry to “get back out there.”

It’s wise to thoroughly review what happened, when you’re ready, and see what you can learn…see what you can carry forward to improve your life and your future relationships.

7. What should people NOT do as they recover from a broken heart?
The worse things you can do:

• Immediately start dating again. You’ll most likely carry all the hurt, anger and whatever else you’re feeling right into the next relationship. Also, you’re thinking and “picking mechanism” is not going to be grounded and clear during this time, so you’re most likely to get into something that could be highly dysfunctional.

• Get into the blame game. It’s easy to take the other person’s inventory and look at everything they did wrong or bad, even if they did do inappropriate things. But what’s the point? The more time and energy you spend focused on that, the longer it’ll take you to move on.

• Get into the victim mentality. How about this: It’s no one’s fault. It just happened…period. Even though it might not make sense and even though there may be many unanswered questions, this is the time to heal and begin to move forward. Instead of getting into “Why does this always happen to me?” or “I can’t believe he-she did this to me,” or how about “live and let live,” as the people in AA say, just pay attention to what you need right now.

This also includes getting into lengthy discussions with your friends about how bad he or she was. It’s time to release and mend your own heart. Staying focused on the pain will only keep you focused on the pain.

8. When is the best time to start dating again after your heart has been broken?
There is no defined timetable as this depends a lot on each person and each unique relationship situation. Better to go slow than fast, as a rule. Socializing with your friends is great, probably sooner than later, but dating needs to have no rush. Many people dive into another relationship as a way to avoid the pain from the former one and usually only make things worse for themselves. When you do start to date again, go slow. Ask a lot of questions and remember what you learned from you past relationship. Perhaps your last relationship opened some insights to yourself; things you didn’t know about yourself previously. Play those new insights forward and create new boundaries for yourself. Be cautious, but also keep shuffling your feet forward.

Funny how we say “fall” in love when the word fall typically means something not so good. Maybe this next time you’ll gracefully tip-toe into love or walk into love.

(This is also where I’d want to put in a shameless plug for Marry YourSelf First, but they aren’t allowing any free PR!)

9. What advice do you have for people who are having trouble opening their hearts up again after a breakup?
Sometimes this happens and it is quite common and normal. This is where it may be good to seek out a professional counselor to help free you up. The mind sometimes plays tricks on us, causing us to think there is still some threat, when actually there is not. Go slow, use your support system thoroughly, including your counselor, and ask a lot of questions and evaluate. It’s okay to go slow…go as slow as you need. Take care of you!

10. How should you approach dating after going through a breakup?
Go slow and be thorough. Remember what you’ve learned. Think from your head, not your heart, meaning you need to make sure that you’re clear about your deal-makers and deal-breakers and that you stick to your boundaries and limits. If you’re not sure about all this, then it’s time to get clear. Use your support system to help, or maybe even a counselor if you can’t figure this out for yourself.

11. What is the best advice you can give to someone going through a breakup?
Decide that it’s done if it’s truly done and begin to heal, recover and move on. Too many people go back and forth unnecessarily, causing more pain. If you haven’t done everything possible, then perhaps you’ll want to get a counselor involved, but at some point you have to decide to either repair the relationship, or move on.
Limbo-land will drain the life out of you.

Surround yourself with truly loving, supportive and compassionate people. Don’t allow the negative people to bombard you with conversation about how bad he or she was.

Leave Your Comments Below…

And Marry YourSelf First Every Day!

It was one of the better
interviews I’ve been a part of.

Of course, host of the show and
friend Michael McCleary,
does a great job…
he made it easy for me…
and fun!!

I know you’ll like it…
so will your friends…
go ahead…
impress them with who you know!

Still giving away f*r*e*e*
Marry YourSelf First! workbooks…
get yours here.

Happy Friday!

Love Yourself Before You Love Again

Click here to view the embedded video.

Click here to register!

I just want to know one thing: What are YOU aiming for?

Settling for the “easy” target?

Or are you one of the few (the 2%ers) who aims “too high”?

Either way, I’m here to support you.

I wrote “I Dare You” a couple years ago and I wanted to share it with you (again).

It’s long, yes, and usually only the 2%ers read it all the way through.

************
I Dare You

I dare you to read this ALL the way through to the end.

Then, I dare you to take the appropriate follow-up action.

Yes…I dare you!

I dare you to go stand in front of the mirror and ask the man or woman you see, “Who am I?”

I dare you to ask the question, “Who am I?”, until you answer it with a purpose for your life so rich and so deep it will give you chill bumps and adrenalin rushes just to think of it.

I dare you to then create a vision for your purpose so compelling that it will automatically pull you into it faster than the speed of light.

I dare you to ask yourself, “What is truly important to me?”, and not stop asking until you have determined all the values that are unique to you.

I dare you live in accordance with your values, your vision and your purpose regardless of  what others may say or do and regardless of what you think others may say or do.

Yes, I dare you to march to the beat of your drum even if you are the only one with that beat, that rhythm and that tune.

I dare you to be truly you.

I dare you to recall that this nation was build on the foundation of only a handful of people who had the values, the vision and purpose to make things different…yes, they did and because of them, we have the lives we live today.

I dare you to show up at your best when the rest of the world appears to be at its worst.

I dare you to pick and choose the people who will support your purpose, vision and values and let go of the others who won’t.

I dare you to never settle again for any level of relationship that is destructive, abusive and/or energy-draining.

Yes, I dare you to live a life of total integrity.

I dare you to let go of the fears of failure, rejection, change and, yes, even success, and instead, embrace the belief that Life is forever Loving and the Universe has unlimited prosperous abundance just for the asking.

I dare you to laugh at stress and see the unimportance of making mistakes, errors and/or failures to control your mood, your thoughts or your life in any way, shape or form.

I dare you to sing, dance, write, paint, draw or otherwise express your creativity without comparing yourself to others.

I dare you to be truly you…100%!!

I dare to take all this and live it every day, 24-7-365, and should you slip back into your old ways that you just simply come back and gently remind yourself of your commitment to your personal path of your personal excellence.

Yes, I dare you to be different.

I dare you to not allow yourself to be influenced by the “bigger, better, faster, more, now” machine.

I dare you to find your own pulse and simply follow it.

And when you walk past the mirror that you’ve been gazing into, I dare you to be reminded again and again of your unique beauty, your unique power, your unique calling and the unique path in this Life of yours.

I dare you to make a difference in whatever way you can, however big or small, globally or locally.

Yes, I dare you today to commit to be different…
to make the most important thing about the most important thing the most important thing.

I dare you to NOT allow outside influences to change who you are, where you are going, who you are going there with or what is truly important to you.

But the biggest dare I have today is to now stand in front of my mirror and do everything I have just challenged you to do…
to be a powerful role model…to practice what I say…
and to accept all my imperfections as just merely normal aspects of my humanness.

I dare us all to realize that collectively we have to power to make this place, this Planet Earth of ours, into whatever form we choose.

Lastly, I dare you forward this, cut and paste this and/or print this and give it to your loved ones, friends, colleagues and bosses. I dare you to forward copies of this to every newspaper, magazine and media outlet you know of or are connected to.

But better yet, I dare you to write your own version of this and send it to everyone you know…

I dare you to be a difference-maker in your family, your place of work, your community and your world.

I dare us all to start NOW!

******************
I Dare You…

**Love Yourself Before You Love Again**
Saturday, April 10th 9-5

http://www.youandmewe.org/node/258

**What is Truly I.M.P.O.R.T.A.N.T.?
The 9 Indisputable Winning Dynamics of
Health, Wealth and Happiness™!**

Tuesday, April 20th at 8 p.m. EST:
http://kendonaldson.com/teleseminar/

Please leave a comment below…tell me your thoughts!!