Ken Donaldson: Dating Red Flags

  1. I want to rescue or “help” them because I see their potential.
  2. I love the way they look or their status and it builds my self-esteem to be with them.
  3. We have some things in common and so I’m avoiding looking at glaring differences.
  4. He/she appears to be totally different than people I’ve been with in the past.
  5. I’m focusing on one important quality (money, sex, fun, humor, etc) and ignoring unmet requirements.
  6. He/she reacts to frustration with anger, rage or blame.
  7. He/she blames others or circumstances for their current life situation.
  8. He/she tries to control everything, including me.
  9. He/she is immature, impulsive, and/or irresponsible.
  10. He/she is emotionally distant, void or aloof.
  11. He/she is still pining for a past relationship.
  12. He/she wants me to make their sad life better.
  13. He/she is married or otherwise unavailable to commit to me.
  14. He/she is active in some addictive behavior but has rationalized as “not a problem.”
  15. He/she is pessimistic and negative about things that matter to me.
  16. He/she lacks integrity in dealing with people, money, etc.
  17. He/she has a judgmental attitude towards others.
  18. He/she is unwilling to self-examine, accept feedback or take responsibility.
  19. He/she doesn’t keep agreements.
  20. What he/she says about him/her doesn’t match reality.
  21. He/she is on an emotional roller coaster, or has recurring or regular emotional drama.
  22. This isn’t what I really want, but I don’t want to be alone
  23. He/she has highly changeable and inconsistent behavior.
  24. He/she has the inability to listen.
  25. I notice myself trying to change this person to fit what I want, instead of accepting them for who they are.
  26. He/she talks too much (especially about self), monopolizes conversation.
  27. He/she is overly quiet, withdrawn.

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