Ken Donaldson on Manage You First: Your Past…Feel It, Heal It and Release It
Pretty much all of us have “stuff” from our past.
You know, that drama and trauma that often comes from Mama (sorry, couldn’t help the rhyme!).
Everyone has hot buttons, hair triggers and irrational reactions at times (except for those dozen Buddhist monks from Tibet who meditate 12 hours a day. Even they, reportedly, have had some “moments.”).
And the tendency is to blame what’s in front of you or around you for your reaction.
After all, your eyes and ears are typically all focused on the “outer” stimulus (THEM), NOT the “inside” reaction (YOU).
Bad news: It’s ALL about you!
Yep, your reactions are all about you.
Yes, it’s much easier to blame and point the fingers at all the dysfunctions “out there”, all the inappropriate behaviors “over there”, and all the jerks and their jerky behavior all around….right?!!
Do that and you know what you get?
You become a very un-delightful victim!
(That means you’ll then be seen as one of THOSE inappropriate, dysfunctional jerks “out there”!!)
So how about this: You take charge of these inner reactions and put them to rest, heal the old wounds and make peace with yourself, your past and your history.
In doing so, you’ll be much more in the present, in your “adult” state and happier.
Where do you start?
You start by stepping out of the “blame game” and the “shame game” and into the “claim your true fame” game.
Okay, in other words, you have to become more aware…let’s just start there.
Instead of looking outward to blame someone or something when you have an emotional reaction, you simply look inward.
AND instead of being negative, frustrated or embarrassed of your emotions and with yourself as you look inward; you embrace your emotions simply as part of your humanness; accepting them gently, lovingly and humbly.
Part of what you need to create is a “corrective experience” in your mind.
Most people either carry around old memories and old fragments from past trauma, and they replay them over and over whenever the emotions are reactivated.
When you react to emotions the same way you always have, you (of course) will get the same results.
However, when you deliberately and purposely change your response, then you get a different outcome.
Something else you might want to try is to have a conversation with “younger you.”
As odd as that may sound, it can be very effective.
Evidently your subconscious can’t seem to tell the difference between what’s real and what’s imagined. So, when you imagine something, your subconscious often will interpret it as real and as really occurring.
By the way, researchers today are suggesting that the subconscious is probably about 95% of your mind.
In other words, there’s a lot “down there” that you might want to have a positive and corrective impact on.
Back to younger you.
Imagine you could bring younger you from the past into the present.
Imagine you’re looking at him or her….what could you say, more than anything else, that he or she needed to really hear more of as a child?
“I love you.”
“You’re SO beautiful!”
“You’re SO smart!”
“You’re SO creative!”
“It’s okay to have all those feelings.”
“You can say anything you want.”
“Let’s go play!”
“Let me hug you.”
Get the idea?
When you have these imaginary conversations with younger you in the present, your subconscious thinks it’s really happening and a new, and much healthier, impression is created in the subconscious.
You create a healthy impression that will begin to offset and override the old pattern.
By the way, deep breathing is another quick and easy way to improve your emotional management too.
Take a couple of deep breaths and breathe into the emotion…then breathe it out.
Go for a walk or talk to a friend…these old “stand-bys” still work too for additional emotional management.
But whatever you do, do something new and different to get a new and different outcome.