Marital Affair, Marriage Infidelity and Betrayal: How to Rebuild Trust in Your Marriage or Relationship
Can I recover from a marital affair?
How do I deal with marriage infidelity?
What do I do after infidelity?
Can I recover from betrayal and trust again?
Unfortunately, these questions are quite frequently asked by many people. Betrayal, infidelity and affairs are rampant today.
But here is the real question: What are the keys to happy, healthy and harmonious relationships?
Answer this question, and live it fully every day in every way, and you’ll proactively prevent, or at least dramatically reduce the likelihood of having to deal with the marital affair, marriage infidelity, betrayal or broken trust in your relationship.
However, people who find themselves in these unfortunate situations want to know what they should do.
Not such a good answer, right?
There is NO clear cut answer because there are so many variables involved.
So let’s look at some possibilities at rebuilding trust in the relationship.
The rebuilding process is often dependent upon how much baggage has been brought into the relationship. Additionally, it is also very dependent on how open the two people are.
If there is a lot of baggage, which means “a significant amount of pre-relationship emotional issues,” then one or both people may have to do a lot of individual processing, as well as working on the relationship.
If one or both of the people are not willing to open up and be truthful and honest, this will slow down or perhaps even sabotage the entire process.
One other variable is around how much trust has been broken. Is there a long history or is this the first and only time?
Here’s something to consider: The affair is not really THE problem. It’s really a symptom of the problem. Relationships that are strong in their foundation do have affairs.
The affair is an escape or an attempted way to cope. This, of course, does NOT diminish the fact that it’s still an affair…still a betrayal…and still broken trust.
Usually affairs come from needs not being met in the relationship. In some cases, it can go back even farther to serious unresolved trauma from childhood or earlier on in life.
The bottom-line, however, is to get to the core of the motivation for the affair and then resolve that.
Believe it or not, the recovery from an affair can actually help the relationship become even stronger than before. Just like a broken bone: If healed properly, it becomes stronger than it was previously…really!
If the couple is truly committed to going through a healing process, they can make the relationship even stronger and better than it was before. Affairs simply mean that there are significant dysfunctional dynamics in the relationship.
In other words, there was something going on before the infidelity occurred.
So the biggest elements that are required for lasting healing to occur are openness, honesty and patience. The healing process takes time. Sometimes a LOT of time!
And find a really good relationship counselor who can help guide you through the healing process. Affairs are very difficult, if not impossible, for couples to heal successfully by themselves.
Affairs and infidelities are eye openers. Now that your eyes are open, leave them open. Notice what’s really going on in the relationship. Notice the unmet needs, the unresolved issues and the unspoken words.
These “un” patterns are the patterns and behaviors that MUST end, or else the relationship will either fail or forever be embittered.
On the other end of the spectrum lies this question: Is this a Deal-Breaker? And can I repair it even though I consider it to be a deal- breaker?
The literal answer would be “no” since deal-breakers are just that: They break the deal!
True deal-breakers are absolutes and non-negotiable. That’s not to say that this makes a decision of this magnitude easy. Deal-breakers mean “I am not going to tolerate or allow anything that goes beyond this line.”
You have to decide what your lines are and if you’re willing to change them.
Beware of guilt or fear being the underlying motivation to stay in spite of the deal-breakers. These motivators will most likely come back to haunt you again and again.
Whatever your motivation is, it’s highly recommended that you use a huge amount of caution if you decide to change your deal-breakers and allow yourself to continue in the relationship.
Again, getting a good, experienced relationship counselor involved is paramount.
How do you rebuild trust after betrayal?
Can you recover from a marital affair?
How do you deal with marriage infidelity?
What do you do after infidelity?
Can you recover from betrayal and trust again?
But whatever you choose, do it much differently than you did in the past and with professional guidance.