Relationship counseling tip: Have faith in your partner over doubt

Relationship counseling tip: Have faith in your partner over doubt…invest in the building blocks of trust and cast out the termites of fear!

trust

Trust is to human relationships what faith is to gospel living. It is the beginning place, the foundation upon which more can be built. Where trust is, love can flourish.”  ~Barbara Smith

Do you trust your lover? 100%? If so, what did you do to create that? If not, what have you done to create that?

The trust factor in a relationship is one of the primary cornerstones of a solid relationship foundation. Without trust, the relationship can be easily upset and usually stays more in an upset mode.

The big question is, if there is a lack of trust, why is it there? Has something legitimate happened to trigger it, or is it something from the “ghosts of relationships past” that is simply being transferred onto your current relationship?

If there is a lack of trust, then it’s time for the two of you to take a good long and very honest and open look at what’s happened. If there is something there that can’t seem to be resolved, then perhaps getting some professional help would be the next best move.

If lying, cheating or deception has occurred, you can bet that rebuilding trust will take significant time, energy and effort.

So, there are the obvious trust factors involving honesty and fidelity, and there are also many more subtle factors that occur on a daily basis.

For example, sometimes there may be a tendency to question your lover. This may be a very conscious act or, in many cases, more of a subconscious reaction. Oftentimes this comes from trying to rationalize something or to make sense of an emotional state. In these cases, it’s probably not intended as anything negative or hurtful, even though it may be perceived as such.

Therefore, you need to know this: There’s a fine line between questioning your lover’s judgment or decision-making skills for the purpose of understanding or being truly supportive and protective versus questioning because you want to be “right.”

This being right is typically when one person wants to feel in control, so they try to point out what the other has done “wrong” or could do differently.

This is usually either driven from the ego or fear, which, when you get to origin, are generally one in the same.

If you participate in trying to be right you’ll create an almost instant destruction!

Many relationships have been destroyed because one or both people are driven to be right. Make your relationship goal connection, understanding and support, instead of the ego-driven “need to be right syndrome.”

In any case, this questioning dynamic can be an irritant at the core of your relationship because it can bring with it the feeling of doubt. Obviously your relationship would be best served to eliminate this unnecessary, irritating and potentially damaging dynamic.

Therefore, it is always wise to ask and get clarity. Ask if your lover would like input, feedback, suggestions or ideas. Likewise, ask if they just want you to be an empathetic and understanding sounding board.

Whatever the case is, if you’re not supporting your lover with trust and faith, you risk sending a message of doubt, even though that may not be your intention.

Be trusting, be encouraging, be supportive, be curious and have faith that your lover is making good choices. Always use the healthy relational building blocks of faith and trust and avoid the destructive termites of fear and doubt.

The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”  ~ Thomas Merton

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