Ken Donaldson Asks: Was it poor work life balance that caused Al and Tipper Gore to separate?
Filed under: Ken Donaldson's Blog, boundaries, differences, divorce, marriage, marry yourself first, relationship, work life balance
Are You Prioritizing Your Love Life?
We’ll probably never know what has driven Al and Tipper Gore to separate, and out of respect and dignity, we never should. But it does invite a curiosity, and an interesting case study, regarding work life balance and its impact on your core relationships (marriage, life partnerships, etc.).
One of THE most significant parts of work life balance would be your primary, or core, relationships. These relationships are your primary support in life; THE person you can go to to discuss anything.
THE person you can go to in your most desperate times of need.
THE person you can go to to celebrate your wildest dreams.
THE person you can go to to share your most intense fears.
This is true intimacy and is often referred to as the “in-to-me-see” of the relationship!
But if you don’t take care of that relationship, cherish it, respect it, and put it at the top of your personal totem pole of life, then it becomes vulnerable to stagnation, mediocrity, strife and unnecessary breakdown.
It really comes down to priorities: We may never know Al and Tipper Gore’s priorities, but here are 7 core questions for you to ask yourself regarding your work life balance as it applies to your core relationship:
1.) Do you check in with each other regularly and share what’s REALLY going on? Not just the day-to-day superficial stuff, but the core needs, wants, desires and requests.
2.) Do you put time and energy into the relationship on a REGULAR basis? This means truly making the relationship a priority. No auto-pilot here. Conscious and proactive choices to put the relationship first whenever possible!
3.) Are you still dating regardless of how many years you’ve been together? Once a week, or more, is best.
4.) Are you able to discuss, using your best communciation skills, the toughest issues and dynamics with a level of respect, the goal of understanding and the ability to accept the differences of each other?
5.) Do you “speak your partner’s language” in that you know what it is that truly lights them up, gets into their heart and soul and enables them to feel truly extraordinary? Do you do that every day in every way?
6.) If you have children, do you and your partner work as a unified team with your children and also balance between being parents and being partners, remembering that your relationship if the foundation for the whole family unit?
7.) Whatever your passion is in your world of work, do you have a greater passion for your relationship? And if not, will you commit to find that passion because without that it’s like forgetting to put the intimacy logs on the bonfire of love and you’ll then find yourself with only smoldering ashes, or even less?
Again, we will never know what Al and Tipper Gore have gone through, but this is an ideal time for you to check in with your core relationship and honestly assess what your work life balance is and how it’s impacting your relationship.
If it’s not where you want it to be, it may be time for you to seek out a relationship counselor who can help you get back on track to have a great life, and fulfilling career and a most passionate relationship with your life partner!
“Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.” ~Rainer Maria Rilke
And Marry YourSelf First Everyday!
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Marry YourSelf First: Depression, Addiction, Divorce…
I had a client say something very interesting to me last week…
she suggested that because I was a mental health counselor, I,
therefore, have minimal issues or challenges in my life.
Ha! I wish!
I shy away from sharing much of my personal story with my clients,
as that is all part of having, and demonstrating, healthy boundaries.
But I felt inclined to share the following with her…and now, with you…
I shared with her my early life challenges with addiction to drugs and alcohol,
the three drug-related arrests by age 18, my 18 months of treatment,
and the “mac-daddy”, the relapse with cocaine and methamphetamine.
Then my spiritual awakening at 29 after over 40 different jobs,
my marriage, my “calling” to go to college and become a therapist,
my being “THE” self-proclaimed relationship expert,
followed by the next breakdown: The divorce!
Then the fall into depression and the battle with it over the
next 15+ years.
I shared this all with her to convey one message: Yes…
I’m human too and I’m NOT beyond any set of circumstances
that occur with my clients…or anyone else, for that matter.
BUT…through all those trials and tribulations,
I have learned valuable lessons…many of them.
I’d like to share a few of them with you now…
Everything passes…Sunshine always follows the cloudiest of days.
I choose to focus on the future sunshine, not the past clouds.
I have a choice of my attitude regardless of outside circumstances.
I choose the positive, hopeful and optimistic path.
The bigger the challenge, the bigger the opportunity.
I look for opportunities.
The more uncomfortable something is, the more I can grow from it.
I commit to growth.
I’m either living or I’m dying…there is no neutral.
I choose living every time.
And the biggest and more wonderful lesson is this:
No matter how far down or how hard I might fall, I can always
get back up and it doesn’t have to be pretty.
And with each fall or stumble or fumble, I learn something
that I’ll inevitability be able to pass on to someone else or,
better yet, because of my poor choices or bad experiences,
I now have an empathy with another who has a similar
challenge and that empathy, that connection,
has tremendous healing power.
Yes…I can turn every bad, negative, hurtful wound inside-out
and grow a garden…after all, manure is great fertilizer!
These are sacred wounds and I am the wounded healer…
and for that I have no shame.
Rather, I have gratitude that I am able today to have the ability
to connect, help and heal others because of all my varied
life experiences.
The good…the bad…the ugly…and the beautiful.
And the same goes for you….
Read more from Ken Donaldson here…
Marry YourSelf First: John Gottman on Why Marriages Succeed or Fail
THE KEY TO REVIVING OR “DIVORCE-PROOFING” A RELATIONSHIP
is not how you handle disagreements (negotiating differences & improving communication).
It is in how you are with each other when you’re not fighting.
FRIENDSHIP IS AT THE HEART OF ANY LIFE-PARTNERSHIP!
The Foundation of Gottman’s Approach =
Strengthening the friendship also provides guidance in coping with conflict
Source: John Gottman’s Why Marriages Succeed or Fail
Read more from Ken Donaldson here…
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Ken Donaldson, MA, LMHC
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