Ken Donaldson asks: Are You Anti-Cancer?

October 18, 2009 by Ken Donaldson · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Ken Donaldson's Blog 

Read this first:

“Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling five balls in the air. You name them – work, family, health, friends, and spirit – and you’re keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls – family, health, friends, and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged, or even shattered. They will never be the same…

You must understand that and strive for balance in your life.” 

~ Brian Dyson, CEO of Coca Cola Enterprises from 1959-1994

And now, hold on to your hat, as I’m about to tell you something you DON’T want to hear:

According to the American Cancer Society (ACS), an estimated 192,370 new cases of invasive breast cancer are expected to be diagnosed among women in the United States this year. An estimated 40,170 women are expected to die from the disease in 2009 alone. Today, there are about 2.5 million breast cancer survivors living in the United States. (And the rate is going WAY up for men too!)
 
What’s the connection? I’m not sure…maybe none…but I doubt it.

Since October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I wanted to offer my thoughts.

I am NOT a doctor, a researcher or an expert in cancer, but after thousands of clients over 25+ years, I do have some thoughts, observations and opinions.

Don’t feel that you must agree…remember, most of this is my opinion…

Here we go…

Since the breast cancer (and ALL cancers) rate continues to be at a very high (and totally unacceptable … man on the moon but can’t cure cancer!!??) rate, there must be something(s) that we’re doing to invite it.

Maybe it’s partly our diet…we all know how that has become very poor over the years.

Maybe it’s partly all the chemical additives added to our foods…and our water…and in the air we breathe.

Maybe it’s partly the hormones and antibiotics fed to the animals that we then ingest.

Maybe it’s partly the extreme amount of electro-magnetic and radiation pollution that we can’t see and that everyone seems to deny and downplay.

Or maybe it’s partly the stress that we continually add without having the resources to deal with the stress we already had and weren’t dealing with in a healthy fashion.

I don’t know, and like I said, I’m no cancer expert nor am I an expert in any of these other areas…except the last one.

I can talk to you about stress…I can talk a lot about this.

In fact, this is MY area of expertise…

You’ve no doubt heard about the personality types.

Like type A, who are often described as “stress junkies.”

Then there are the type B individuals who, in contrast, are described as patient, relaxed, and easy-going, generally lacking any sense of urgency.

And psychologists have now identified a “type C” (cancer-prone) personality. These people are characterized as people “who respond to stress with depression and a sense of hoplessness.”

Yikes…”depression and hopelessness”!!!

Here’s more: Type C personalities tend to be introverted, eager to please, conforming and compliant.

In other words, they are people pleasers who usually don’t express how they really feel.

Then, that lack of expression leads to depression and hopelessness…yeah, that sounds like just the formula to make people sick!

Holy Suppression, Batman!

Okay, so here’s the deal: If you haven’t been expressing yourself completely and thoroughly, NOW is THE time to start!

First, it’ll make your relationships, your work and – YES!! – your health better.

But more so, isn’t it just the right thing to do!!??

Can’t see yourself doing this (this is where it starts…between your ears!)!!??

So, take the Communication Readiness Quiz™…Here you go…check those that apply to you:

1.) I avoid talking about things I know I should because I am afraid I will hurt someone’s feelings. ____

2.) I am uncomfortable with receiving attention and/or affection. ____

3.) I deflect praise and compliments by downplaying them. ____

4.) I “bite my tongue” again and again rather than speak my mind, until I finally blow up at someone.____

5.) I avoid necessary confrontations.____

6.) I have trouble setting and honoring boundaries in relationships.____

7.) I find it hard to express how I really feel.____

8.) I have a hard time receiving “constructive criticism”. ____

9.) I feel like people don’t listen to me.____

10.) I have trouble asking for what I want.____

Total Communication Readiness Score____

0-1: You are a great communicator…be a role model for others!

2-3: You are a good overall communicator…keep it going!

4-5: You have some good communication skills, but could use improvement in a few areas…don’t wait!

6-7: You have some rough spots in your communication strategies…start now to avoid future problems!

8 or more: You are VERY ready to improve your communication skills…call me today!

Call me…(727) 394-7325…I can help you.

And Marry YourSelf First! will help…for example Chapter 7: Communication Poker: Knowing When to Hold `em, Show `em and Fold `em is all about effective communication.

Get your copy today!
http://kendonaldson.com/store/

In the meantime, how about upgrading your health and making yourself an “anti C type” and “Just Say It!”

As Brian was quoted in the beginning of this article, “…But the other four balls – family, health, friends, and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged, or even shattered. They will never be the same…”

Be good to you…start today in every way!

Read more from Ken Donaldson here…

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Marry YourSelf First: Talk Less…Listen More

September 21, 2009 by Ken Donaldson · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Ken Donaldson's Blog 

 “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can
listen twice as much as we speak.”

Question: What’s more important…
Listening or talking?

I know you’re probably going to give me the “right” answer (listening),
but let me ask you a more powerful question:
Which do you do more and how do you measure that?

What do most people do?  Most people talk….
and actually listen quite poorly.

Read the quote above…then here’s something else to think about:
You’ve got two ears and you’ve got two eyes.  And you’ve got one mouth.

The eyes and the ears are intake mechanisms.
They take in information.

The mouth is an output mechanism.

There’s a 4:1 ratio there.

Do you think there is a reason for that?

We weren’t born with four mouths and one ear and one eye…
we’d have a serious problem if that were the case!

We have two eyes, two ears, one mouth.

Think about it.

Doesn’t that in and of itself suggest that we are wired and
designed to listen more than talk?

Simple rule: Whoever listens most, wins.

Not “winning” like in a game, but winning by being a
champion communicator.

But why?

Why be a champion communicator?

Here’s one HUGE reason: It’ll make every one of your relationships better,
especially your primary relationship with your life partner.

Another HUGE reason: You’ll be much
more successful in your work,
regardless of what you do.

And another HUGE reason: You’ll
eliminate HUGE amounts of stress because….

Listening takes much less energy and actually puts you in
more control of the conversation.

Being an effective listener puts you in the driver’s seat.

You see, listening is not just about being quiet.

Oftentimes what I hear from people when I ask them about listening more
(especially couples who come to see me) is, “Okay, I’ll just shut up and sit here.”

That’s not exactly what I mean.

No, in fact, listening, quite frankly,
is much more active and challenging role than speaking.

Because when you’re listening, you’ve got to clear your mind so
you can be present for the other person.

What happens, and what most people do, is start thinking about their response.

They’re thinking about their rebuttal.

They’re thinking about their defense and their “answer.”

“How am I going to come back at this?”

As soon as the other person gets done talking, boom,
they come right back with their own “stuff.”

That’s not listening.  That’s called reaction, not listening.

And shutting down and not doing anything is not listening either.

Being able to understand, accept, clarify, validate and empathize
are all the primary ingredients to listening.

Let me repeat that: Understand, accept, clarify, validate and empathize.

Develop those five skills effectively and you’ll have the world in your hands.

To be an effective listener, I want you to imagine there is a bridge between
you and the other person.  You have to leave the “land of you”, cross the bridge,
and enter the “land of the other person”, leaving behind your agenda, your editorials,
your opinions, even – temporarily – your values.

I’m not saying to disregard all this, but for the sake of that conversation,
leave that all behind.

90% or more of the couples who come in to see me have communication
breakdowns because they don’t listen, understand, and/or accept their
partner’s views or experiences.

And by the way, acceptance does not mean agreement.
 
Two very different things.  Acceptance means, “I accept you for where you are.”

To offer validation, I’m saying, “I get your feelings.”

Furthermore, “I may not agree with your feelings and I may not have the same
feelings and I may do things totally different, but I get if I was in your shoes,
living the life that you’ve lived, having the thinking process that you have,
I would be having the same reaction.”

Read the preceding paragraph again…
that’s the summary of what you want to aim for.

That’s what you call the ability to validate and empathize.
Those are two very, very, very important valuable ingredients in
being an effective communicator.

Do you now see the value of listening?

And that’s JUST the tip of the iceberg!

Listening is part of overall effective communication strategies, and is
just one of the four Relationship Pillars that we’ll be addressing next Saturday (9/26).

The Marry YourSelf First! Fun-Shop:
Less Stress, More Success And The Best Relationships!
http://kendonaldson.com/0926/

Hope to see you then and there!
http://kendonaldson.com/0926/

Peace and Prosperity…

Ken

P.S. There is a whole chapter of
communication strategies in Marry YourSelf First!
Go to http://marryufirst.com/ and
improve your relationship intelligence today!
 

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Stress and STD

July 14, 2009 by Ken Donaldson · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Ken Donaldson's Blog 

I want to talk with you about a very sensitive matter: STD.

Yes, I know just looking at it…

STD

and seeing it and thinking
about it causes some uncomfortable feelings.

And you know that NOT talking about something doesn’t make it go away….in fact, it makes it worse.

Yes, denial makes things that are already bad, even worse.

There’s a new STD that you need to know about.

Why? Because if you’re not informed and prepared, well, you’ll be left unprotected and the consequences can and will be severe.

Deadly, in fact.

Okay, so what is this new STD?

Stress Transmutation Device.

Not quite what you were expecting, was it?!!

I wanted to get your attention….hopefully it worked.

Why? Because stress kills and destroys life, just like a STD (the other ones!).

Depending on whose research you read,
between 70 and 90% of ALL illnesses are stress related.

According to the Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory, here are the Top Ten Stressful Life Events:
1.    Spouse’s death
2.    Divorce
3.    Marriage separation
4.    Jail term
5.    Death of a close relative
6.    Injury or illness
7.    Marriage
8.    Fired from job
9.    Marriage reconciliation
10.    Retirement

Probably no big surprises there, however it’s interesting that there a couple of positive events that are still considered highly stressful.

Yes…even positive events can be perceived as stressful.
The bottom-line is that stress can destroy your health, well-being and relationships…I see it all the time in my practice.

Time for you to learn how to “Transmutate” your stress!

So where can you buy a Stress Transmutation Device?

You can’t…sorry!

Nope, can’t buy one anywhere.

But here’s the good news: You don’t need to buy one…you already have one.

But before I tell you more about that,
let’s look at the true source of stress.

All stress comes from one place and it has nothing, or at least, very little, to do with any external events or circumstances.

It all starts between your ears.
Yes, your mind, as wonderful as it is, misfires at times.

It malfunctions.

It has dysfunctions and distortions.

It over-reacts.

The good news is that most of the time (99.99%) it works fine…really good…almost perfect.

However, the mind seems to have the most difficulty functioning optimally with stress, or I should say, with the perception of stress.

The mind sometimes perceives things, usually due to past conditioning, as if they are threats…
like a pack of hungry wolves running straight towards you.

No…that was NOT a pack of hungry wolves, and your life is NOT in danger.

But your mind may have been reacting as if it was.
That’s where the Stress Transmutation Device comes in.

It is also between your ears.

Yep…you already have a Stress Transmutation Device between your ears, just waiting for you to use it.

Here’s the deal: Stress is 100% perception…
if you perceive it as threatening, then it will be.

However, if you perceive it as benign and non-threatening, then it is.

The key is to catch it…sometimes easier said than done, I know.

Especially since 95% or more of that organ (your mind) between your ears is subconscious.

But here’s a clue…actually two clues, to more effectively impact your subconscious deeper mind:
First, always focus on what you DO want…
NOT on what you don’t want.

Many, many people put most of their focus on what they don’t want or what they are fearful of, and they cause a tremendous amount of unnecessary stress for themselves. Plus, that’s what your subconscious will then focus on.

Second, remember that the subconscious mind loves imagery…
feed yourself as many vivid, sensory based (use ALL the senses) images as possible…all the positive ones, of course!

If you’re still having challenges, then perhaps it’s time for a tune-up.

So here’s the deal, I want you to have Less Stress and More Success in your life…that’s the bottom-line.

Therefore I’m offering you a special single Stress-Busting session to get your Stress Transmutation Device tuned in and working with you and for you.

For a limited time, and only for those of you on my mailing list, I’m offering a 60 minute Stress-Busting session normally priced at $147 for only $97.
http://tinyurl.com/clearmind

In fact, I’ll even allow you to invest in a few sessions if you’d like to give them as gifts to your friends, loved ones and/or co-workers.

These sessions can be in person at my office or over the phone.

So go ahead and click here and get started.
http://tinyurl.com/clearmind

Get the proper STD protection!

And pass this on to your friends and loved ones who may not be properly protected!

Peace and Prosperity…
 
Ken

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