Relationship Counseling Tip: Choose to be curious and fascinated

Relationship Counseling Tip: Always choose to be curious and fascinated by your partner instead of frustrated or angry!

sherlock holmes
Here is something else I’ve learned. To be fascinated instead of frustrated. It is just a little trick to play. The next time you’re tempted to be frustrated, see if you can’t turn it into fascination. Instead of a frown, it puts a smile on your face. Now sometimes you look a little weird, but so be it.” ~ Jim Rohn

Your lover did it AGAIN! That same thing you’ve asked, begged, nagged and pleaded with them NOT to do and they did it anyway.

What do you do now? The typical reaction is to get mad, angry and frustrated. After all, you are right and entitled, correct? Yes…and no!

There is a bigger question to be asked: What do you want? Want peace and love? Connection and affection? Happiness and harmony?

If so, then it’s up to you to respond differently.

Think of yourself as Sherlock Holmes and you’re uncovering a case. Get curious about what’s going on. Get fascinated by your lover’s response (or lack thereof).

Now you might be asking, “Why?” and that’s a fair question. So let me ask you a question: What happens if you throw gas on a burning fire? It makes it blow up, right?
Same thing here. Your mission is to build rapport, not blow things up.

It may sound and feel counter-intuitive because chances are it’s much different than what you’ve been accustomed to, and different than the “norms.”

But many times the “norms” are the relationships that are stagnant, failing and dysfunctional, and you want a successful, growing and thriving relationship, right?

It’s “easy” to do what you’ve been doing and what everyone else seems to be doing. It’s tougher and more challenging to blaze a trail for your relationship to travel. Take the more challenging path and just commit yourself to be more fascinated and curious about your lover.

In doing so, you’re likely to discover some new, and very interesting, things about your lover. React in the way that you’ve reacted in the past and you’re bound to discover nothing new and repeat the same old dysfunctional patterns.

If you want new results, you have to put in new action and new behaviors. Do this and you’re more likely to have your lover join you as well.

Be curious, not judgmental.” ~ Walt Whitman

Leave a comment below…

And Marry YourSelf First! Every Day in Every Way!


About Ken Donaldson


2 Responses to “Relationship Counseling Tip: Choose to be curious and fascinated”
  1. Claudia Graves says:

    Another great section with a good idea that I will put into practice.

  2. Michael Pleasant says:


    Very helpful piece about choosing to be proactive with an attitude of curiosity and fascination instead of reacting with frustration or anger to unwanted relationship behavior.

    A personal experience I had early this past week…I did not get mad, angry or frustrated…Ken, Great job!

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