We Are Not So Emotionally Smart…Time for Emotional Intelligence

I was going to title this “We Are All Emotional Idiots”, but thought better of it since I didn’t want to look like I was suffering from what I was trying to write about.

So, We Are Not So Emotionally Smart.

Why should we be? Few of us have had any training in emotional intelligence or emotional management, and many of us have likely had poor role models of the same.

In fact, many (maybe even most) people have actually been exposed to the opposite: Emotional avoidance, emotional abuse, emotional manipulation, emotional deception, etc.

So how and why, would or could we be very emotionally smart?

There is a new calling for emotional intelligence (EQ) today. You’ve likely heard the term or maybe read about it. Perhaps you’ve attended a workshop or training on EQ.

If not, then you will, and soon. And if you’d like to be step ahead (which would be very emotionally intelligent of you) you might want to start right now.

Right here.

Yes, today.


But let’s start with first identifying what exactly emotional intelligence is. It is, in its simplest definition, the ability to:

  • Perceive emotions
  • Use emotions constructively
  • Understand emotions
  • Manage emotions

Do you see any value in perceiving emotions, using emotions constructively, understanding emotions and/or managing emotions? If not, then read no further than the following sentence:

Emotional intelligence is at the heart and core of every relationship and it is emotional intelligence that determines whether the relationship succeeds or not.

If that still doesn’t appeal to you, then we are on different pages and, yes, it would be best for you to go elsewhere. Maybe a Relationship 101 class would be in order.

Oh my; notice how sarcastic I got?  And so quickly.

See how easy it is to react to someone who is not even here or to a situation that may never occur?

I admit I have not always been the emotionally smartest guy in my life. And I have paid for those emotionally ignorant reactions…dearly.

And that’s why I am on this path now. I don’t want to repeat those bad habits.

How about you? You up for a little personal growth and development?

Start with this: Do you know how you’re feeling? Most people don’t know what they’re feeling and many times don’t even want to be feeling what they’re feeling.

Some people even think that emotions are a complete waste of time and energy.

The point is this: You may not get a lot of support and accurate feedback from others in regards to your emotions. That doesn’t mean your emotions don’t matter and doesn’t make them go away either.

There are numerous Feeling Charts, Mood Cards, etc. that can be helpful, but maybe just start with these five:

  • Sad
  • Glad
  • Mad
  • Scared
  • Ashamed

I know this isn’t exactly an all encompassing list, but it’s a start.

Now, can you identify your emotional state and just simply allow yourself to feel that emotion?

Emotions are a lot like the weather: They come and they go, oftentimes with no predictable course and for no predictable reason.

But they always come and go.

Start on your path of emotional intelligence just by simply knowing what you’re feeling and allowing yourself to have that emotional state. Soon, you’ll find yourself more accepting of others’ emotional states as well, which is the beginning of increasing your social and relational intelligence, too.

 Marry YourSelf First!

About Ken Donaldson

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